Probably a bit of a hot take, but I’m a guy and the same thing happened to me. I was a big nerd growing up… huge glasses, scrawny, braces, bullied on the regular, the works. I was nearly invisible to women, but didn’t fully realize it. Once I went to college and got contact lenses, braces off, put on some muscle, I started getting all kinds of smiles and hellos from women I didn’t know. In friend groups women sought me out to talk to me, ask my opinion on things. I got invited to a lot of places. It made me really uncomfortable for a while, because I didn’t know how to handle the attention. I knew inside that I was still the same person, but I was being treated so differently on the basis of how I looked.

Later in life, when I gained maybe 50lbs, I noticed that women didn’t pay me much attention. Then I lost the weight and got fit again, and the attention increased.

I am NOT minimizing what women endure from men in this world, not trying to engage in whataboutism. I believe that women are held to much more demanding and unfair beauty standards, and are objectified to a much greater degree.

Really, my point is that there is a large segment of the population, both male and female, that respond more enthusiastically to attractive people. Some of this may be physiological, but a lot of the time it just comes down to what most of these other commenters have already explained… attractive people get more attention from people wanting to bed them. It’s a particular type of attention that it sounds like you can attain, if that’s what you want.

However, OP, I think a large degree of attention comes from confidence, regardless of gender. I have known countless people in my life, male and female, who were not considered attractive by the opposite sex, but who were so unstuck on themselves and fun to be around that they commanded others’ attention. They didn’t have to be the “life of the party” types… they just genuinely cared about other people and weren’t afraid to enjoy them fully. They didn’t constantly overthink and retreat into self-doubt (as I have been prone to do).

All that said, I guess my point is that you can, as others have said, try to make yourself more “fuckable” to get that type of attention. Or you can reject that. However, sometimes receiving attention comes from being fun and lifting the spirits of those around you… And after a life of folly and consequences, I would consider that the superior form of attention.

I will leave you with the advice that completely changed my life, back when I was incredibly socially awkward and didn’t know how to insert myself into groups. When I told a much older and wiser acquaintance of my problem, she told me this: wherever you go, almost always, someone else is feeling worse than you are. Someone else needs help, feels awkward, doesn’t fit in, is doubting themselves. If you find those people and seek to help them and build them up, you will always be rich in relationship. You will have the attention that really matters, and you likely won’t really miss the attention that doesn’t. The best way to build confidence is to realize that you are important—not because of how many men are attracted to you, but because your presence can truly make a difference to people.

Again, I don’t want to minimize the fact that this world is, in many ways, simply unfair to women. Especially in this way. I just wanted to present an option that I have not seen on this thread, if you should find it helpful. And best of luck.