Foster kid here! Y’all have no idea what the system does to kids

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SufficientEmu4971 · 2023-05-08T06:40:03+00:00

AMEN!!

I've shared my story several times here. My biological parents were very abusive. For example, when I came home from a friend's home in 4th grade wearing makeup, my father called me a slut and burned me over the stovetop. I rarely went more than 2-3 days without being beaten. Yet I still consider telling a teacher about the abuse to be one of the worst mistakes of my life because he called CPS.

From start to finish, CPS acted in a highly unethical manner. My parents are not native English speakers, and they were interviewed without a translator. Yes they were abusive, but I still believe that anyone under investigation in any context should be interviewed in a language they are fluent in. As for my interview, the CPS worker seemed to really want me to say that my parents did drugs. She asked leading questions (What drugs have you seen your parents do? Where do they store their drugs? etc) She alternated between bribing me and threatening me into saying they did drugs. I kept telling the truth. They were abusive, but they were very straight laced and never did drugs. The CPS worker was so manipulative that she went as far as to tell me that she had talked to a dealer who said my parents were one of their customers!

I was removed from my parents' home and placed with a sadistic couple who repeatedly tortured me both physically and sexually. I bet a crime novelist couldn't even come up with the things they did to me. (But I'm sure several former foster kids could!)

When I told my caseworker, what did she do? She arranged a meeting in which she forced me to apologize to my foster parents.

I wasn't their first foster child, and I don't know for sure, but I doubt I was their last.

Eventually I begged to go back to my biological parents because their abuse was paradise compared to my foster parents. So I went back. My parents abused me just like before, but of course I never told anyone because I didn't want to end up in foster care again.

I am considered one of the foster care success stories. I went to a well-known college and have a graduate degree. People who know I was in foster care and went on to get degrees from two well-known universities say that I'm inspirational and strong. Some of them might even think my success shows that the foster system isn't so bad.

But the outward success belies the way I feel inside. I have severe PTSD and depression. I am suicidal all the time, but I am barred from buying a gun in my state due to a psychiatric hospitalization and am physically disabled, so I can't jump off a building. All other suicide methods run too high a risk that they won't work.

I have tried all sorts of therapies and medications, but I think they only way I will truly start to heal is if CPS is completely overhauled. My preference is for CPS to be defunded so that they have to be very choosy about which reports to investigate. I also believe there should be no mandatory reporters.

VERY few things upset me more than when people call CPS over minor things. Unfortunately, every time I have told people that calling CPS can make things a lot worse for the child, they get defensive and upset. When it happens on reddit, I am inevitably downvoted many times over.

But I'm not going to stop.

Ok_Judgment4141 · 2023-05-08T05:52:40+00:00

That's why I took in my child's friend, no system. She can still see her mom whenever she wants, i got her at 14 drug/sex addicted. In the fall she's headed to college to be Dr in psychology! I'm thinking too continue fostering as long as possible. And i even prefer the teenagers.

BKLD12 · 2023-05-08T06:17:26+00:00

I understand. The system is broken. It truly is.

CPS in some form does need to exist. Children who are truly in abusive and/or neglectful homes do need the "village" to be able to step in and prevent the kind of tragedies that can (and do) occur if left alone. Addressing CPS being used as a weapon vs. protecting children is a difficult balance, and I don't have an answer. Still, something needs to be done.

At the very least, foster homes need to be vetted and trained to care for children who are traumatized. Claims of abuse and neglect need to be investigated as efficiently as possible, so that children who are able to are returned to their families as soon as possible.

More than anything, we need to make sure that there's access to birth control and sex education so that children are not born that aren't wanted. We need to make sure services are available to families who need more help and to make sure that services are also available to children who age out. The less children there are in bad situations, the easier it should be to manage.

This isn't the system as it is today. And I'm sorry. I wish I could do something about it myself. I'm still considering being a foster parent in the future, so at least my home can be a safe place. But that's not going to fix anything in the grand scheme.

CatResearch923 · 2023-05-08T01:26:16+00:00

So many people don't realize that. I was never in the system but I work in the criminal justice system. The stories I've read make me sick. The number of kids who leave on bad situation to be placed in a worse one happens way more often than it should. I can think of 5 separate cases at the top of my head that ended in the conviction of a foster parent that murdered a child. So many more cases don't end in a conviction because there isn't enough evidence that the childs death was intentionally or caused by neglect. And those are just the cases where the child ends up dead! There are so many other cases where the child grows up and ends up in legal trouble. They go in and out of foster homes and then in and out of prison. The foster care system is broken.

Chaosisnormal2023 · 2023-05-08T02:42:13+00:00

As a mother who reached out to the system for help with my kids, I agree as well. CPS doesn’t help families. They tear them apart and if you’re lucky enough to have your kids returned from placements, the state just wipes their hands of your family to figure out how to fix the damage they caused. I wish the system worked as it was supposed to, but it’s a far cry from helping or saving children!

VapingC · 2023-05-08T04:38:30+00:00

I hear you. I’m a Caucasian person but CPS was involved in our family almost all of my life for very different reasons from yours. I was sent to one foster home after my father tried to kill me and I was out of there. Bad vibes all around. I knew the score and that was one big nope.

I couch surfed, slept in drainage ditches and broke into storage areas for apartment buildings. A lot of people stored old mattresses down there so it was a good place to stay safe and get some sleep.

Our system is shit and fails us on a consistent basis. I’m just so damn sorry that this hasn’t been fixed yet.

I can tell you that it’s not the social workers fault. I already know that you know that they’re underpaid and overworked. So I’m not going to bore you with that.

I will tell you to hang in there. I was sure that I’d be dead by 6, 8, 10. Then 12. Then 15, 16, 17, 18, etc.

I’m 53 now and I’ve had a freaking fantastic life. I hung out with Guns and Roses in 89. I worked my ass off in the late night bars in Chicago as a bartender/cocktail waitress and I met so many cool and not so cool people.

I found the love of my life who was surprisingly not a dog but he’s learned to love dogs.

I’m now taking care of my mom who has a terminal illness. This is horrible. But I’m right where I need to be. She was a wonderful parent and the nicest person I’ve ever met.

I can’t take a foster kid in until she’s in hospice or gone and I very much regret that.

Intelligent_Put_3594 · 2023-05-08T12:39:57+00:00

Oh I know. My ex strangled me and ran. The cops called cps and had my 3 young children placed in temp foster care because they assumed I would take him back if he returned. I fought it and won my kids back. Took me 9 months and my 2 girls were molested in the foster home. Never seen my ex again and had to help my kids recover. Thanks cps.

PuppySparkles007 · 2023-05-08T13:16:41+00:00

Foster parent here to co-sign. I like to think we’re pretty sane and I think any kid that’s been through our house would agree. But I’ve seen so much. Before covid we did group trainings, and I wouldn’t leave a pet with most of my peers. I’ve seen advocates that never meet a child across a 5 year case, I’ve seen kids turned over to grandparents and dropped right back in a situation that unalived a sibling, I’ve seen kids so neglected in the system that they were labeled “nonverbal” until they came to stay with us as respite and then their language exploded because they got some human interaction. I’ve seen one case have 16 different assigned workers—I could go on.

Please if there is any other option, take it.

john8116 · 2023-05-08T02:37:02+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that

Kalanixi-ttv · 2023-05-08T03:47:56+00:00

Okay let's dive in 1. WTF. I'm horrified. I knew there were bad cases but "more bad apples than good" is something I wasn't prepared for emotionally. I'm so sorry. 2. I'm 25 now and very passionate about fostering/adopting tweens/teens when I get a few years older. Other than the basics, maintaining connection with family+siblings+etc, how can I best help? Should I take in as many teens as I can fit into my house because I'm keeping them from those bad houses? How many kids is too many to help properly? What can I do to help?

timbear17 · 2023-05-08T15:18:31+00:00

As a former system kid, I have a few opinions. While it's never been great, I can say that it was far better before they privatized it. If you notice, these days, they are far quicker to pull children out of the home for far more ridiculous reasons. They keep them for far longer in placements and exercise far more control for longer with little cause. I believe that this is due to the same dynamics that exist in the prison systems. It's all about money and creating a system that enables them to profit over the entire lifetime of people. They profit from you being in the system and then you're primed to be easier to control. You're often the people that end up working low wage dead end jobs because you don't have resources or family to help you advance in life, or you now have a record that limits your prospects. It's all set up for you to fail and keep failing so those at the top keep making money from your misfortune and the exploitation of your labor.

Unhappy_Marzipan8644 · 2023-05-08T01:46:20+00:00

I’m 37 years and and am still struggling with CPTSD from being in the system as a child. Thanks for posting the truth about what happens to the majority of us.

gypsy611 · 2023-05-08T11:09:41+00:00

I’m not signed up on this sub. Somehow, your post ended up on my feed and I read it in its entirety. I don’t even have words right now for how much my heart just broke. Saying I’m sorry for what you have been through doesn’t even come close.

I’m an older mom. Almost 50 with a 5 year old and he’s a handful! My husband and I have long considered fostering. I think I have subconsciously put it off because my little boy keeps me on my toes and I’m pretty tired.

After reading your story, I’m pretty sure that as soon as we find a home to purchase, and my son gets settled and starts school and can understand a big life change a little better, I’m going to revisit that conversation with my husband and quit putting off that decision. I’m going to foster.

Melodic-Pea-1858 · 2023-05-08T17:13:25+00:00

Yeah, I was a foster kid too. I was placed with one of my little sisters, but was kept separate from my older brother, my older sister, my four other younger sisters, my 4 half-brothers, and my half sister. We were supposed to have visits with them, but that rarely (never) happened.

At one point, my little sister and I were put in a foster home where 9 people- including the foster mother- shared one room. There were only two bunk beds, and the foster mother got one bed to herself. Everyone else shared, except my little sister and one other girl who slept on a mat on the floor.

My little sister has bad asthma. That same foster mother refused to let her have her inhalers/nebulizer treatments. She also refused to let us bathe, brush our teeth, go to the doctor... We were locked out of the house every day, from the time we woke up until bedtime. We also had to share just a few outfits between me and my sister, and had the toys that our grandparents sent us taken away.

We would also often be locked in the dark basement for hours at a time. There was alot of emotional abuse in that house- like being told we were unlovable and unwantable, that we would never amount to anything and should just die.

And that was one of the BETTER homes we were placed in. In another one, there was all kinds of abuse and neglect- everything from SA to being forced to eat used cat litter.

moonseekerinflight · 2023-05-08T01:32:48+00:00

I read an article in my local paper a while back, where the writer seemed astonished that children could develop PTSD from being dragged from their homes and placed with not very well vetted strangers. "Who could have known? We were only trying to help!" Yeah, a lot of people get their feel good from taking children away, that could have been helped in their current home. It's not a lot of fun for white kids either (I was in the system for a while).

Fun_Scientist9930 · 2023-05-08T05:05:51+00:00

I was in the system as a child and let me tell you it's not the family care life one thinks it is. There's a lot of bad people who will abuse and take advantage of the kids and the system in order to profit from it.

today0012 · 2023-05-08T03:45:35+00:00

Absolutely right!! Everything you say is true! My experience with CPS was a nightmare, too

InternetAuntie · 2023-05-08T04:07:24+00:00

A friend of mine is a POC and was in foster care. They just survived their latest suicide attempt. The pain they live in can’t be put into words.

Apprehensive-Crow146 · 2023-05-08T04:47:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. People need to hear it before using CPS as a weapon because they have a grudge against the parent, or for frivolous things like having a school age kid stay home alone for a few hours after school or walk to school alone.

I want to add that children can be traumatized by CPS even if they aren't taken from their home.

A close friend of mine went through hell due to a CPS investigation. They cleared her of everything and never took her kids away, but her oldest child still developed severe anxiety problems because of it.

AriesMixie · 2023-05-08T17:11:46+00:00

I've never been apart of the system, in fact, I grew up in a two parent home. But I am a pediatric nurse and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY confirm that cps and the foster system is deplorable, absolutely despicable and disgusting. And God forbid you're a child with a medical disability. It's a life of abuse and being treated like less than a dog.

battle_bunny99 · 2023-05-08T01:57:32+00:00

Thank you for speaking up.

Magellan-88 · 2023-05-08T02:28:46+00:00

My kids were in foster care for 6 months because of a doctors lie, the oldest was a 2 month old in a 5 year old body, the middle was 3 & the youngest was 2 weeks old. When we got them back, we couldn't leave their sight without them freaking out & screaming. I can still see the effects 9 years later.

scorpiusdare · 2023-05-08T05:46:25+00:00

Former foster kid/adopted kid here

LITERALLY THIS. I was taken from one bad family and basically shoved right into a new bad family that adopted me. I don’t think either families should’ve been allowed to have me, but the fact I see y’all calling CPS over sometimes really trivial shit is genuinely insane.

So WHAT if someone’s kid is home alone for six hours before their parent gets home every day. Idk. Maybe you should fucking offer to watch the kid if you care so much to stick your nose into people’s shit. Especially when it’s people calling CPS on single mothers/working moms. They have it harder out here than y’all think, and calling CPS is just going to hurt them more. Have you considered.. helping? Maybe? Offering community support? Offering lifelines and babysitting opportunities?

Sometimes I see y’all calling CPS on shit that is literally not abuse. This is coming from a trafficked drug baby turned cult pastor. Some of y’all CPS callers have more audacity than half the people who beat me as a baby, lmao.

CPS is not god and it sure as fuck isn’t a lifesaver for the majority of kids who get thrown into it.

Ok_Establishment1951 · 2023-05-08T04:17:39+00:00

I m so sorry you had to go through that. I agree people call CPS sometimes to get revenge on parents they don’t like. But it ultimately hurts the kids. I knew someone once who had foster kids and it was a friend of a friend her parents were scary to be around. They treated her like shit and she was biologically their daughter I can’t imagine what they did to the foster kids.

I also had a neighbor who beat his girlfriend call on me because I couldn’t take their fights every night couldn’t sleep and had to work at 7 am everyday. So one night I told them to shut up. He kept banging on the ceiling and wouldn’t stop so I felt like I had no choice but to call the police. He was a big guy. Me small mom. They retaliated and called Cps on me. My son was 7 at the time. I got through it and I didn’t get him taken away at least. Today my son now grown and going to the best university in my state.

I never really thought cps was protecting children. I seen some bad parents and still never called because I thought they would end up in a worse situation.

OtherWolf9712 · 2023-05-08T03:07:50+00:00

I was only on foster care for about 6-7 months but it was definitely memorable in a bad way. I was constantly verbally abused. Put down all the time. Blamed for everything. Some people get really lucky and others don’t.

Bout 3 years ago I was getting beat a lot and the cops ended up getting called by my now fiancés mom. The cops told me I could either go to foster care again or just go home and I chose to go home. Half the time it’s way different than what people think it is

2023-05-08T03:16:51+00:00

The Turpin kid's care got f'd up, no one stands a chance.

Didudidudadu737 · 2023-05-08T07:16:03+00:00

Every time I hear someone suggesting a kid would be better off being removed, I remind myself that whatever the parent is doing has to be worse than what happens in foster homes

BumpkinMonstie · 2023-05-08T11:00:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiencing. I wasn’t raised in the system but my fiancé was. He was taken as an infant from the hospital and placed in a foster home. Taken from them due to them trying to drown him in the bathtub. Wasn’t convicted because clearly she was “over whelmed” and it was a “lapse of judgement”. Bounced between his BIO Mom and the system until being placed in a foster home and eventually adopted by this one couple at 8. He managed to run away at 16 and became homeless.

From the time he was born until he was a teenager he suffered abuse at the hands of the system and by people who were meant to care for him. He now suffers from various issues including PTSD due to the amount of trauma and abuse he endured. Especially from the couple that the system claimed were “good Christian people” to finally raise him.

superduckyboii · 2023-05-08T22:42:01+00:00

I came to this subreddit in a midst of reliving my trauma. Fuck CPS. They did what I consider to be a legal kidnapping in front of my parents who were frantically crying and praying. The month I spent in the foster care system was much worse than any other time of my life. The worst part is that I know for a fact that many other kids have it worse than me. I do not know who is responsible for managing CPS in Missouri, but I truly hope that they never get a job working with kids again.

Grandmas_Cozy · 2023-05-08T01:37:07+00:00

Glad to hear some sense in the sub for a change OP. Thanks for speaking up.

Bitchfaceblond · 2023-05-08T00:02:11+00:00

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DefiantRun8653 · 2023-05-08T03:56:44+00:00

This heartbreaking post just makes me want to be a foster parent more than I already did. ❤️

2023-05-08T05:00:01+00:00

Former foster kid here, I needed out and I still agree with you.

Remarkable-Guava-701 · 2023-05-08T05:52:17+00:00

I bad a breakdown when my mom died after caring for her. Cps was called, and despite the fact that #1 I told them she was being abused, and 2 it was finally proven to be true by their own therapist and 2 other family members, they still went her out of state and only let me keep possessory conservatorship. I have no way to get to her for.visits. I'm on disability so no money for legal help. I've lost everything and I'm essentially 47 and just waiting to die. They threatened me right up til the end that if I didn't agree to their terms they would put child support on me and worse. I want them all to fkn choke.

superduperyahno · 2023-05-08T07:04:42+00:00

I am so sorry for what you've experienced. This is something I think about often. My mother and I fought physically and it could have been considered abuse by a lot of people. But under no uncertain terms did I EVER want to leave my home and leave my mother. I loved my mother and I still do. We had a complex relationship where we both loved eachother very much, but we both got explosively overwhelmed and violent at times. Thank God the CPS workers who got involved understood my desires and our relationship. They put us in counseling instead. I also have anger issues like my mother (and I'm also a woman) so I understand her very well. I know why she did the things she did and I know that she's human, and I forgive her.

Today my mother and I are best friends, we call eachother 3 times a day and talk for hours. We've both changed for the better. She is the most important person to me in the world, I don't know how I'll ever live without her. If I had ever been ripped from my mother and put in the system by people who refused to understand, I would have suffered so much. People need to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes taking a kid from their home and family is MORE abusive than what they're currently experiencing, and sometimes a situation is not black and white.

PurplishPlatypus · 2023-05-08T11:13:15+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. My parents both died by the time was 10. And I was lucky I was able to live with my one remaining grandparent (grandma). She was not a good person. She basically just ignored me, we were roommates and i had to start taking care of myself. Made tv dinners and stuff, later got my own job, car etc. She didnt do anything to guide me.in life or think about college etc. And when I turned 18 and finished high school, I moved right out. But I was SO lucky I didn't have to end up in an abusive situation and I think about it all the time. I feel like when kids are removed, if there is not some immediate close family that is willing to volunteer, they have these people that you describe who sign up to be foster parents to strangers. And they are doing it for ulterior motives. To abuse, to profit, or to raise religious nuts. They can't find people who know the kids who want to be "parents". But maybe they need to refocus their efforts and be like, you know, you don't have to be parents. You just have to provide a safe space for that kids to live. Because where they are going isn't going to be a parent to them either. Maybe they should talk to the extended family, even friends or neighbors. Like, you know this kid. This kid just needs a place to stay. Especially if they are at least 8 years old. You don't have to become mommy, just be a safe space for them. That's so better than the alternative. I had one aunt that could have taken me. She didn't have kids. I think she thought I should go with my grandma because my grandma had raised kids. But my Aunt would have done so much better by me. People are just afraid of having to be "parents" and cps needs to work with them to get them over that fear into just helping a kid out with a living situation.

babayaga-333 · 2023-05-08T14:13:43+00:00

Thank you for speaking up. I'm sorry for what you have gone through OP. You are very brave. I am sure that you are aware how truth tellers are often abused for speaking that truth. Most of the "professionals" here will simply write you and everyone else here criticizing CPS off as abusers, the mentally ill, or just sour grapes. That's how they avoid cognitive dissonance.

I would like to add to your experiences with my own. While it is likely a vain hope, if enough people tell the truth, it might redefine the narrative eventually. I mean, wouldn't it be wonderful if these safety nets worked like everyone thinks they do instead of the opposite?

I was a teenage mom, and a child bride, with a vengeful, abusive husband who came from a vengeful, abusive and influential family within the community. They gamed the system, got CPS involved and pulled my son and placed him with my husband's abusive family, who endangered and neglected him. I mean, the Good 'ol Boy Network was in full effect here. I fought, I had a great attorney, and I got him back. People lost their jobs over that one.

My sister was reported on by a family member some 15 years after my interaction with CPS in my hometown. Cluster B personality disorders and narcissist interactions are common in our family dynamics and some of the Aunties decided my sister's daughter would be better off with one of them (they had this all planned out, who, what, when, where and a strategy to achieve it). They literally recruited people to stalk her and waited for her to make a mistake. She did something wrong. She did, but not something worth pulling a child over. I went to the mat for her and my niece. CPS remembered me, and they backed down. I also made sure that I had legal guardianship of my niece in case things got stupid. My sister signed off on it. In the end, the Aunty Cabal did not get their way, and when the dust settled, I let them know that if they tried their BS again, that little girl would only end up with me, and I would be working with my sister, not against her because that is what would be in the best interest for my niece.

I have met too many people who have been horrifically abused in the foster care system. I am not surprised by your story at all, and again, I am so sorry OP. All of the statistics support that children have better outcomes if they stay with their parents than in foster care; often, even if there is abuse in their origin household.

If you've ever read a social workers report, they are trained to find problems not solutions. The language is always accusatory and often hyperbolic. Within the profession, at worst, personal agendas and even vendettas are tolerated and even normalized, and at best hero complexes are so implicit they aren't even acknowledged, let alone guarded against. It is also worth noting that there are a lot of people attracted to that field for narcissistic reasons that have a lot more to do with power, control and even specifically causing harm, than helping anyone. The whole system is set up to facilitate abuse dressed up as a state sanctioned savior. It's gross, it's terrifying and it is profoundly harmful.

ConstantNurse · 2023-05-08T14:21:58+00:00

Worked inpatient nursing and Forensic Toxicology

We worked with many wards of the state. Also worked with DHS/DCFS.

Our system is fucked. I worry for the foster kids.

All of you deserved much better than what we have to offer.

KrustyKohn · 2023-05-08T14:25:10+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you, OP. I did a lot of research for a project I was working on, and found out that kids who are taken from their homes have worse outcomes than those who weren’t, even in cases where there was drug use and abuse in the home. It certainly changed my opinion once I found that out. I cringe when I hear of people calling CPS because the parents’ house is messy and other silly things like that. Even if the house is gross and unsanitary, those kids are better off where they are! And maybe instead of tattling on people to the authorities, we could be good neighbors and help each other. Help the family clean their home up. If you notice an angry, troubled mother, offer help with kids or something. Don’t put those kids into a system that cares nothing about them. At least if they are with their parents, there is a good chance that they are loved, even if their parents are f’d up and need help.

Electronic-Ad-3772 · 2023-05-08T17:31:44+00:00

I also think people forget what happens when the child is in an abusive home and they call CPS and nothing is done- and now your abusive parents know you told someone.

Your nosy reporting and savior mentality has cost so many children broken bones and such severe beatings. They’ll never be forgotten as a rat to their abusers.

2023-05-08T17:57:36+00:00

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nallysa · 2023-05-08T19:07:03+00:00

CPS worker and unfortunately I agree, In my county we are focused on helping the family stay united because children thrive with their bio parents. The system has been broken for a very long time and with all of the social workers that want to help its not enough. There aren't enough SAFE homes 🏠 We trained to only remove due to SA, severe neglect or severe physical abuse in my county

ShurtugalLover · 2023-05-08T19:45:04+00:00

Growing up watching my mother foster kids made me want to grow up and do foster care. In college I made friends with 2 seperate people who were in foster care and their foster parents had used it as a free paycheck and free labor around the house and I remember being absolutely disgusted by the adults they were supposed to be able to trust. I still want to get licensed someday, but entirely because I want to try to be one of the good ones

Logic_phile · 2023-05-09T15:53:15+00:00

We fostered teens. I agree so strongly with what was said in this post. I have seen too many kids who were taken for stupid reasons. We adopted a teen out of foster care and CPS ended up removing him after he made false allegations. We had tons of proof that the allegations were false including camera footage and documents. The investigator on our case lied so many times, especially about what our son was claiming. We got the recordings of his interviews and she added or manipulated most of what he said. We were so scared he would end up in a bad home but we were lucky and he is with an awesome foster mom now (it’s been 2 years and we still have not been allowed to speak to our son even though we proved our innocence in court).

Some things to understand about this awful broken system:

The investigators have the lowest level of education. They also never see the results of their actions because they hand them off to other workers and never see the kids again.
The system is highly subjective and mostly up to a biased social workers discretion. The laws are very vague and leave so much room to remove children for dumb reasons.
Group homes are full of violence and abuse. My husband worked at one for a while and he saw kids as young as 12 making shivs. He came home every day with bruises from being attacked by various kids. Group homes can be worse than prison. They often mix foster kids who could not be placed with delinquent children who were placed there by their parents because of the severity of their behaviors.
Teens are hardest to place. Most homes do want young children or babies and often foster parents go in thinking of foster care as a means to fix infertility issues. I have witnessed foster parents lying about biological parents to essentially kidnap children because they couldn’t have their own. Most homes will not take teens which is why many end up in awful homes. The system is desperate to place them somewhere, even if they know the home is awful.
The system is set up to believe biological parents are crazy and always suspect. Biological parents are believed last.
If children are removed for false reasons and the parents are found innocent, it still takes several months before the parents even get their chance to prove themselves innocent. By then, the trauma has already occurred for the removed children. CPS gets warrants easily without any proof. All they really need is an allegation and a judge will blindly sign off.
CPS workers have immunity which means even if they remove children without any proof of abuse and ruin lives, they have no consequences. It is insanely hard to get a social worker disciplined for doing a bad job.

I could probably go on about this all day, but my main point is to agree with the OP. Do not call CPS unless you are sure severe abuse is occurring.

Livid-Carpenter130 · 2023-05-08T05:54:43+00:00

Amen!!! Louder in the back, please!

When you see a parent struggling, HELP THEM!!!! The government is a useless bureaucracy. Let the government handle road construction, inside trading scandals and making straws illegal. They're good at that. They're NOT good at taking care of children.

geri73 · 2023-05-08T04:53:33+00:00

My cousin has a business that caters to children of color but she takes all children. She has stipulations on being in her program. She says that she has had to fight with the DJO so many times about the false information and treatment they give to the children of color. I don't why its like that but its fucked up.

Just4Today50 · 2023-05-08T11:05:43+00:00

I am CASA, I agree that our system is so broken, even more so since COVID. I have actually called CPS on foster homes to have the children removed.

IMO we think removing the child is the only answer, and once that child is removed find the first relative that will take them so state does not have to pay, or put them in any home with no regards to the child's needs.

There is a British author, Cathy Glass, who has written many books about children in her care over years. I see so much right about how the British foster care system could work (I know there are problems there too, but a good carer can do wonders).

Former_Economics9424 · 2023-05-08T13:40:22+00:00

This is exactly why I am terrified of the continuous fallout of the abortion bans. Many people don't think about the quality of these children's lives once they're actually born. I'm very sorry you had to go through all this, I wish you the best.

skrilltastic · 2023-05-08T14:33:59+00:00

I am so, so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your experience, I think most people objectively know CPS isn't great but they don't really stop to really think about it...I personally have never called CPS on anyone, but I have known people in situations where CPS SHOULD have been called but wasn't ( a babysitter my parents left me with when I was 7; she would leave the kids in her care alone with her 13 year old son who regularly molested the young girls in the home, including his 2 year old baby sister). Even after I spoke up and told my parents what was going on, the authorities were never called for the exact reasons you so excellently outlined in your post; I grew up in a trailer park that was kind of rough, and so a lot of people were familiar with CPS and horrors of the foster care system; I guess they thought it was better for the kids in the family to stay together with their mother, despite her enabling the sexual abuse of the children under her care.

I can't say if it would have been better to involve CPS at that time or not; it's possible it would have made a bad situation worse, but someone should have at least called the authorities on that fucking little pervo kid AT THE VERY LEAST. Why didn't they? Because you don't mess in with other people's private business. BECAUSE YOU DON'T CALL CPS. CPS breaks up families.

The foster system needs massive funding and a major overhaul. But if you know shit like this is going on in someone's home, YOU GOTTA CALL CPS.

I know that wasn't the point OP was making, I'm just trying to provide an example of when it WOULD be appropriate to call the authorites, versus what people ACTUALLY call them for.

Mom's working 3 jobs and leaves the kids home with an older sibling? Don't call CPS. Mom's job is running a home daycare and leaves the little kids alone with a known child abuser?

CALL CPS.

Lisserbee26 · 2023-05-08T15:11:07+00:00

I reported a serial child molester to CPS. I have no regrets.

However, he may be removed/prevented from seeing the children, but the children won't be taken from family.

I hope he is stopped. The amount of lives he's hurt, including his own children, I hope he rots.

2023-05-08T16:18:55+00:00

I got abused in foster care and got abused by my real parents. Well if I'm gonna get abused either way let me do it with my family! I was separated from my siblings. We were all put in different homes bc God forbid you try to keep siblings together.. they were a toddler, and now they have NO MEMORIES OF ME. NOOOONNNE. My baby sibling who I helped feed and change diapers and protect from my shitty abusive parents don't even fucking know who I am, my heart is broken every day. I would rather have been beat up with my siblings than beat up alone like I was in foster care. I aged out with no resources, no help, nothing but my tenacity and the fact I was lucky to not fall in with the wrong crowd is all that saved me because CPS sure as fucking didn't.

Visual_Slide710 · 2023-05-08T16:32:19+00:00

Stories like these make me want to be a foster parent to give at least a few kids an actual chance at life. This breaks my heart in so many ways. As a mother, i wish i could protect all children of every color.

jettaboy04 · 2023-05-08T17:55:21+00:00

Im pretty sure some of the powerful and rich know this already. But having more kids in foster care leads to more kids and later on adults in the judicial system or working menial jobs for shit pay.. it's a means of control and keeping themselves $$$$$. I don't think many of them actually think the foster system is helpful to kids, nor do they think abortion laws is about protecting babies. If they gave a damn about those things they would ensure fair pay so a mother could afford to keep her baby, they would ensure we had affordable healthcare so a mother or child could get the care they need. They would ensure affordable and quality education so the kids being born and those already in the system could break the poverty cycle.

catsinsunglassess · 2023-05-08T18:24:00+00:00

I completely agree with all of this. CPS does a lot more harm than good.

TopazBubbles · 2023-05-08T18:27:27+00:00

I worked for an agency that facilitated supervised visitations for kids in foster care and their biological parents. I only lasted a few months before I had to quit because I knew nothing I saw, said, or did would really help those kids. Especially when I saw the issues and noted them and told the case manager. Nothing was done and I felt hopeless. I didn’t know what else I could do but I knew I couldn’t work for them anymore.

I’d love to be a foster parent but I’m scared that even that won’t be enough. I know those kids don’t want to be in that situation and I don’t want to accidentally help a system that puts them in these situations in the first place. My mother is a drug addict and I was raised by my grandparents, so I didn’t have to go through the system myself, but I’ve seen the kids who have. It’s abhorrent.

BlackberryNational89 · 2023-05-08T19:04:39+00:00

I think it's because they hear stories like mine and just ignore the bad ones. Or they think "well maybe THIS case will be different." I thankfully was place in a really good home that actually helped me tremendously. They also made sure to keep contact with my father (single dad) who I saw at least once a month for a weekend. My dad wasn't capable of keeping me the whole time but he could do a weekend a month so that's what they did. They even contacted my mother (who abandoned me when I was 2 at a McDonald's) and made sure I got to spend time with her as well. By this time she had 5 other kids so they figured she was stable. They almost immediately put me in therapy because of all the issues and they both helped me in many different ways. My second family was a bit different because they are black and took me in as a teen. (I'm like neon white) They also helped in so many ways I'll never repay them. They did have a lot of issues with the system being racist and saying that I "belonged with my own race" or how they "couldn't take care of me properly because were different races." Which im sure is illegal. I have 2 very good stories but I know countless others who I met in the system who had HORRIBLE experiences. People don't realize that im the exception not the rule.

Thankfully I live in a place that has a really good CPS that actually helps parents. The CPS here actually wants the kids to stay with their parents as much as possible. The healthcare here has free rehab as well as numerous hotlines for different issues, including a hotline just for kids birth to 5 if you ever need help. They offer free childcare to help single moms or stay at home moms struggling. I honestly wish I lived here when my first was younger but I'm so happy there's still hope. I just wish other states would catch on

Zealousideal-Olive34 · 2023-05-08T19:32:49+00:00

What great points you make. Thank you for taking the time to write them down. You have helped many of us learn

Fun_Toe3400 · 2023-05-08T19:35:14+00:00

I'm sorry for your experience. My grandma has been a foster parent for 27 years. She's let the ones who lived with her and aged out stay, she's helped them get benefits to go to college, she's helped them get into care facilities if they're developmentally delayed and can't take care of themselves as adults, she makes sure if they're working they have reliable transportation. Most of the kids she's had are Native American and she's white. I know I can't even comprehend what you've been through, but know there ARE in fact good ones, and the kids she kept until 18+ are like siblings to me, many call her mom, and every one that stayed in care definitely needed to be in foster. I pray that you find your way and break the cycle.

the_jaded_elephant · 2023-05-08T22:32:42+00:00

I was neighbors with a tight nit foster family. They straightup used those kids. They adopted their first to babysit their youngest. They fostered a little black girl (race is important here) and had her so terrified that she slept with a knife under her pillow. They would go days without feeding her so she would always be nautious. The dad was a very racist man who hated anyone that wasn't white. I felt so sorry for that girl. They ended up getting her taken out because of knife thing, and got her in some serious trouble. My parents ended up reporting them and the neighbors moved soon after. They were such scummy horrible people.

galenet123 · 2023-05-08T23:30:44+00:00

Family resource parent here for a distant relative. I second ALL this. Took in a 7yo family member cuz I got a packet from CPS in the mail. Can’t imagine what would have happened to him if he got passed around from home to home.

AccordingReference3 · 2023-05-09T01:27:55+00:00

I know you already have loads of comments here and you don’t need any more. But I just wanted to chime in and say:

-I’m so sorry for what you went through. I wish you peace.

-Your attitude seems to be the most benevolent one a person could have. You’re not raging at the foster system or the bio parents who didn’t measure up. You’re calmly laying out the facts of the foster system, and you’re asking for more help for the parents. You’re like Nelson Mandela who got treated so badly, and when you finally got free, you just wanted to help others.

-Your voice is powerful. I know the foster system is bad and CPS is known for making waves without actually helping anyone. But for you to speak out about it is way more powerful than me trying to as just an observer. Thank you for using your voice to try to help other families.

-Last one is that, as a mom whose co-parent was a pretty difficult dad, I feel very seen by what you say about helping out moms. Thank you for your supportive words. My life has been about a million times easier than yours, but there were some really hard times after kids came. I got a lot of blame and rage, but very little help, which I asked for nicely. I am touched to hear of someone’s child saying, “please help my mom.” Thank you.

Thank you for everything.

Aggressive-Scheme986 · 2023-05-14T04:43:49+00:00

Fuck CPS. Bunch of child kidnappers. My firstborn almost got kidnapped by them because she had an undiagnosed medical condition that made it look like I was abusing her. Finally got the diagnosis and CPS went away and never came back. But the fear and trauma of false accusations and possibly losing my child will never leave me.

2023-05-08T10:07:19+00:00

The amount of systemic racism in the CPS system is horrible, there are lots of articles about it just do a quick google search and even pubmed studies that show the numbers…black families are targeted and torn apart, babies taken from mothers at much higher rates than any other race. Its sick.

kabe83 · 2023-05-08T06:00:31+00:00

I have heard before that the system is horrible. I’m so sorry this happened to you? Do you have any advice at what point the abuse is worse than foster care? At what point is it better to call cps?

Asuders87 · 2023-05-08T07:43:44+00:00

I just want to say that I am so sorry for what you went through. I can relate with so much of what you posted that I feel like I could have written it myself. I absolutely agree with everything you said! Thank you for putting it out there. It needed to be heard!! ❤️

kc3292 · 2023-05-08T12:04:40+00:00

So I’m 21 and I aged out of foster care also, I’m in indiana so laws are different but in ALOT of ways the system is definitely screwed. I was in a home at 13 years old where my foster mom literally had home health aids cuz she wasn’t able to walk or move on her own, she had 3 fingers on each hand and rode on an electric wheelchair. I became a SLAVE to watch the smaller kids, I have never been in a home with more than 4 other kids but this one would constantly make me watch and look after all the little ones she would take in and then she would never take in any other teenagers. Honestly other than that my time in the system was not horrible and actually a lot of places with foster care DO help out after you turn 18. When you age out you can get into services with collaborative care and at 16 they started me getting set up with an independent living worker which really set me up when I turned an adult. They help with rent, called a step down program where if ur struggling then once in a lifetime they will do this 6 month process of first month paying 100% of rent, 2nd month 75%, 3rd 50%, 4th 50%, 5th 25%, and 6Th 25%. I KNOW ITS NOT THE SAME FOR ALL STATES but also I started college and you get SO MANY GRANTS because of you aging out the system and there’s another program called ETV in my state for youth that aged out and they literally GAVE me 2000$ for being in college for the spring, 1000$ for the summer, and 2000$ for fall. It’s literally given to you and you can spend it on whatever, there’s SO much more and even these benefits Last until you’re 26 even if you have kids or get married(I have 2 kids now and got married and still get all this help) so if anyone in indiana ha anymore questions I’ll happily answer but whenever I hear about any of these stories it really saddens me that no other states have these types of things to help youth push off and start adulting so I’m so sorry for the ones that went through hell.

No_Establishment8642 · 2023-05-08T12:37:08+00:00

I was involved in the CPS nightmare when I ended up with my nephews. And a nightmare it is.

They make money keeping the system broken. You always have to ask why a broken system exist. $$$. There are a lot of agencies and industries that survive off broken systems.

Native kids in Australia and the US South West were involved in lawsuits. I wish more non-natives would jump on that band wagon and maybe then something will change.

amazongoddess79 · 2023-05-08T13:09:10+00:00

I knew someone who had a foster daughter years ago. Things seemed to be really good, occasionally they’d argue (teenage girl, military wife) but everyone in our circle of friends got the impression it was a good situation. Ran into the young lady a few years back after I had moved away then moved back. As soon as she turned 18 the woman kicked her out. I’m one of those people who really wants to help but my house is tiny and I don’t have a lot of money or time. Lots of health problems of my own and I would be worried that I wouldn’t be able to do my best for any child I took in. As someone who wants to help but is not really in a position to foster, do you have suggestions for what I could do maybe?

ThisIsMyUser456 · 2023-05-08T13:54:51+00:00

I have thankfully never been in the system but I live in a very toxic household. I have had friends tell me “just call the authorities they will fix it”. No they won’t. I have 4 younger siblings and that is asking for each one of them to be abused way further. I had a friend and her siblings who were fosters and got adopted by “a good Christian woman”. All of them now have mental health issues. My friend I no longer talk to since she got to the point where I could not help her no matter how hard I tried. The system hurt them way more. I don’t understand why people don’t listen to story after story and all the proof of how bad the system is. I’m sorry you feel experienced that hell. I hope you’re doing better and have a happier life now

SilasSaun · 2023-05-08T14:09:47+00:00

I’m sorry you went through this, thank you for your words.

trashed-goat · 2023-05-08T14:26:05+00:00

Yes! I went in the system for a short time and absolutely, give a helping hand and truly analyze what's going on before talking to CPS.

Suspicious_Exit_ · 2023-05-08T14:33:06+00:00

I’ve been in over 12 dif foster homes as well.

None of them treated me than anything other than a burden or Cinderella. Didn’t give a shit what I did, stole money from me out of my social security. I never got a dime, it was not spent on me.

& then I was kicked out the moment I was 18.

Blamed for everything their bio kids did. Etc. the disfunction is everywhere. Removing a child just to put them somewhere else that’s fuckex up.

Amen.

I watch these pages just to know how many people out there really will call cps over some small shit. To know how to protect my own kids. & I have zero friends because of this.

hXcPickleSweats · 2023-05-08T18:01:59+00:00

It used to be that it takes a village to raise a child but now everyone in the village just judges, assumes and hides to calls cps over minor things instead of taking 2 seconds to help or ask for clarification. The damage cps does can last a lifetime, the help you offer could mean the world and save a lot of turmoil and pain.

I've had cps called a few times over the most minor things and its messed me up (PTSD). I refuse to call cps since they dont help, only hurt. I LOATH that entire organization (except the 1/1000 workers that are actually good but they never last long). Needs to be overhauled! Evil, vial organization. I would say more but I don't want to get banned.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I just want to reach through my screen and give you the biggest hug.

pfzealot · 2023-05-08T18:18:49+00:00

I do think people are very quick to weaponize CPS and better care should be taken. That being said cases of neglect or abuse should be reported.

I was in some rough spots in my time in the system. That being said I ultimately was better off and safer than I was at home but I don't recommend the experience. That safety came at a cost and it altered me in some ways. It seems I was not alone in that experience.

My ex-wife learned the hardway that CPS is a double edged sword when you try to weaponize them.

I am helping raise a child that her brother had. She disagreed with some of my parenting methods and tried to report to CPS that I was too strict. I warned her weaponizing CPS was a bad idea. They tried their way of parenting and it resulted in the child punching his grandmother (ex-brother in law was abusive to women) I got him corrected mostly.

She went to CPS to report the issues with him and seek help and resources and they threatened to launch an investigation on what they view has her failure to provide safety. I hope she learned from that ultimately CPS is not there to help you.

My son is doing great now and I remain in his life. He's doing well academically.

Muskiecat · 2023-05-08T19:57:59+00:00

I am so sorry that this was the life you experienced! It's a goddam tragedy with no good solution, because there really are times when it is too dangerous to leave a child in their own home. It really is too bad that just anyone can have a child when less important things life like driving require passing a test and getting a license.

2023-05-08T20:43:41+00:00

I'm adopted and a part of the rare 20% who had a good experience. However we I read my paper work I went through 5 foster homes in my first 6 weeks of life. 5!!!! Now that I'm 32 and have a good paying job I wish I could help children who are aging out. 16-21. I'd love to have a home and some type of lawn care or house cleaning service where they could work.

If I ever won a large amount of money that's the first thing I'd do.

2023-05-09T02:00:59+00:00

I am 37 years old and still traumatized due to being forced in to foster care. I had undiagnosed ADHD, which was misdiagnosed as bipolar at 13 years old. I ended up in foster care because I refused to take the poison that is Zoloft because for one, I didn't need it, and two, I didn't have bipolar disorder.

While I can get behind keeping kids safe and away from abuse by removing them from their homes if safety truly is an issue, sometimes you're placing a child in to an abusive situation because you don't know what the hell you're doing.

Had DCF not interrupted my formative years, I would probably be a normal human without crippling anxiety. Absolutely ruined me for a number of years and I am still recovering. There's nothing like being removed from your home as punishment for not being good enough. I know I am now, but boy did I hate myself then.

Important_Street4663 · 2023-05-09T02:44:41+00:00

I (POC) was in foster care after mom died (11 Yo) fast forward to 17 the lady I was staying with was on the phone with her friends telling them she didn’t want me there anymore and I was genuinely hurt because I thought I would have finished college there (I started in her home) I called my worker to have me removed . She “left” to go out of town and took her key and basically kicked me out after I was hurt because she didn’t want me anymore because she wanted to adopt (she was a alcoholic with a good job and bad manners and horrible friends and hospitality was shit) she wanted a 7 year old . She used me for my money and when she didn’t want me anymore she threw me away …

2023-05-09T19:28:00+00:00

I work for a foster group home for BRS teenaged girls. I love that everything is the home experience. Allowance, phones, outings, etc. Staff are mostly parents, so it’s like having many moms. We also have transitional apartments so the teens can learn to live alone or with a roommate, plan finances, get help with jobs and college apps, etc. I wish there was more of this to prevent some of the issues you have had to experience 😖

Kang06202 · 2023-05-11T13:07:05+00:00

Oh babe. I’m so sorry you went through hell. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Unless it’s a real serious situation then cps shouldn’t be called. Now if you see something serious then call cps. The system is super flawed. I feel for all these kids

evitapandita · 2023-05-08T03:54:33+00:00

All due respect but as someone who spent far too long in an abusive home and lost a niece and a nephew to the effects of NOT being pulled - I have to disagree.

Kids DIE because they’re left in abusive homes. You don’t know that you’d have been better off had they left you with your family. Yes, family and relative placements are good when they’re good - but they’re not always an option.

The foster system sucks - I spent time in group homes myself. But being starved or raped by your own loved ones is worse. Much, much worse. Kids who stay in abusive homes have the same outcomes or worse.

We need to fix the system. But we don’t need to leave children in dangerous environments. Too many kids who were removed romanticize their birth parents and the environment they were removed from.

Incognito_catgito · 2023-05-08T04:59:22+00:00

You are so very insightful and absolutely correct. I aged out of the system, and later worked for CPS to try to do the job right. I was one who needed to be in the system. But the system itself is traumatic too.

I hope you are surviving well, and know that some of us make it out as a semi functional human.

Over_armageddon · 2023-05-08T07:46:35+00:00

If you can post here- don’t stop- write your congressman, etc. Your post prompted me to get involved with the foster care system, as I’ve wanted to do for some time.

Thefunkphenomena1980 · 2023-05-08T02:12:05+00:00

Thank you for actually telling the truth about these child stealing vultures.

Crafty_Yak_1747 · 2023-05-08T12:16:56+00:00

Gonna keep calling CPS when I see abuse. Your story is very sad, but I know plenty of success stories as well and I'm not going to let a kid sit in an abusive situation because bad people exist in the foster world.

I support improving CPS processes and oversight on fostering, but there are absolutely cases where CPS needs to be called.

Didudidudadu737 · 2023-05-08T09:38:51+00:00

This post gives every CPS hater who is likely already abusing their child free reign to affirm their opinion. I'm sorry about your experience 20+ years ago, OP, but calling CPS has saved many children's lives and childhood. "Do not call CPS" is teaching people to look the other way when they see child abuse.

I wish anyone had called them for me. When I eventually called them myself I was placed with my grandmother.

People also forget that their primary goal now is to reunite the child with the family in a safe manner and foster families are vetted and monitored more carefully.

rbmcobra · 2023-05-08T05:28:06+00:00

My wife and I adopted 4 special needs kids from the state after being their foster parents for several years. Later on we had to put two of them back into the system, just so they could get the proper medical care they needed. ( Stupid, we know!!!). We found that the cps system is horribly broken. Even as foster parents, we got screwed over multiple times. It's not just the kids that are effected. No wonder nobody wants to be foster parents anymore. We would never do it again. We didn't do it for the money either. The money we got was pathetic.

Gralb_the_muffin · 2023-05-08T13:12:16+00:00

This, this is why I get pissed off at "MaNdAtEd RePoRtInG" and "We CaN't InVeStIgAtE jUsT RePoRt" you report things because you think things are bad based on a tiny thing. No you make things worse, mandated reporters that are trigger happy just get kids taken away from parents who make one mistake or not even a mistake and then pat themselves on the back thinking they did a good thing that they now put a child through life altering trauma and damaging the child. Unless you know for sure you're not doing anyone any favors. Even if you had a "reason" if it isn't a good one then you're no better than the people who weaponise cps when they don't get their way.

Dimples_Master · 2023-05-08T14:13:57+00:00

I hear you and I am sorry Your experiences are so traumatic. I’ve seen horrible foster homes/parents and wonderful foster homes and foster parents. With that being said, I am a mandated reporter, I will and continue to call CPS when I suspect child abuse, neglect, etc. My job is not to investigate and not to track anyone dad, family, etc. I provide resources but if these don’t get followed through, I can not do anything about it.

TaylorFly17 · 2023-05-08T18:24:39+00:00

This post was random on my feed, but as former foster guardian I respectfully disagree.

You know what would have happened if we didn’t take in the 15 yr boy? His grandfather would have continued to molest him and he would have continued to do heroin. In the system he was signed up for trade school and therapy. His signs? Too many days missed from school.

Do you know what would have happened if we didn’t take in the set of three kids? The oldest child would have continued to manipulate his mentally challenged middle sibling, telling him that he should kill himself or hurt and molest others. You know who got those children help? We did. Three nights in the mental hospital until they could get committed. Even after killing all of our fish and poisoning our dog. Their signs? School reported it because their clothes were dirty and they constantly “pranked” maliciously.

My younger cousin was in foster care. She went to school and had friends. You know what was the signs? Nothing, but we remember her crying and sleeping next to a door as her mother smoked anything under the sun.

But you know what? Her foster parents were forced by law to take her to doctor visits. They were required to get her surgeries with cysts. And you know what happened when she ran away at 16 to return to her nuclear family?

She died last year at 21. Because right when she ran away they were taking her to genetic specialists and oncologist because of the high probably of cancer. She didn’t follow through after running away and that part of the family didn’t care enough to make sure she had proper medical care. They listened to a teenage girl when she said things were minor and she didn’t want to go to the doctor. She died right in the home that her father, uncle and grandparents died in- in the arms of her uncle as my aunts screamed their heads off as she had a heart attack on the floor. I always question, would she have been alive if she was forced to go to the doctor and get treatment?

My parents were good foster parents. Spent hundreds on every kid that was placed with us (not from the stipend either because there was a month long waiting period) and we got never got a thank you. Even when our animals were harmed, late nights in the mental hospital- we took them on vacations, therapy, enrolled them in sports.

And half of them went back to the same neglectful family’s that cause: CPS to take them away. Because it was all they known and they couldn’t break the toxic bond or vicious cycle.

There’s good foster homes and there are bad ones. However, it’s the same for families. If I’m seeing that a child is neglected or abused, I need to report it. Even if the signs are subtle. Because I’d feel a lot worse if I find out that child is dead or if the cycle continues and other people get hurt.

Competitive_Fruit814 · 2023-05-08T03:47:09+00:00

Fuck cps

bettysbad · 2023-05-08T05:26:22+00:00

i see a lot of people validating this post and in turn invalidating people whos abuse was never reported, or people invalidating this post and validating the effectiveness of their foster care experience. i know the internet makes it hard to realize but BOTH truths can be valid at once. we live in a complex globalized world marred by imperialism and violence.

my sibling and i were separated, one institutionalized, and one stayed. guess what? we both live with chronic ptsd and other challenges, both living life in recovery, both raising happy kids, and BOTH in solidarity with children and any solutions that authentically support their families. this includes the dissolution of bureaucratic racist systems AND a major culture change that spreads responsibility for all kids throughout a community . if the state shouldnt be responsible then we all should be responsible, and act accordingly. this includes not shaming anyone for their childhood experiences and gaining some nuance about how we interact with each other. how will that create a world where parents are safe to reach out for help? or where neighbors feel secure enough to intervene?

bottom line regardless of our personal experiences, the foster care system isnt just broken, its a perpetual motion machine meant to intentionally create distrust and disempowerment among Black brown and poor families. and everyone else gets to not know a thing about it. if you make over a certsin amount you are not under this same scrutiny. the machine is running FINE just how it intended. imo any way it can be disrupted inside outside and around, im for.

thanks to op for speaking up.

KoolJozeeKatt · 2023-05-08T14:37:43+00:00

The problem with your advice to not call CPS is that many people are considered "mandatory reporters." We MUST report any abuse to CPS, regardless of the reason for the abuse. So a mother may have PPD but we cannot just allow the child to remain without intervention from CPS. I agree that the system is broken and many children are not cared for during their stay in foster homes. I don't have the answer but telling people not to report abuse is not it. Remember that many must call.

CPS

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