I originally posted this in /r/offmychest but was immediately ripped into by a bunch of men saying they see straight through this "trick" and good for my husband for understanding that "no gift" means "surprise me."

No! It's doesn't!

My husband is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful, but we agreed. No flowers, no chocolates, no gift, just cards. And we do not struggle to effectively communicate - there are no unspoken games between us, we have been together for nearly a decade and he knows that he can take what I say at face value. "No gift" is absolutely, unequivocally, not a subtle hint that I actually want a gift, despite what the average neckbeard on Reddit says. Believe it or not, my husband knows me better than internet strangers do.

We've been saving for something big and trying to tighten the purse strings. I handle all the finances so whenever a birthday or Christmas comes around, he usually has his dad buy my gift with his credit card so I won't notice the charge on our statement, then he pays his dad back with cash. I noticed last month that he transferred his dad a not-insignificant chunk of change, so I asked about it, and he just said his dad needed help with something. I didn't inquire further. We had already agreed on forgoing gifts this year, so Valentine's Day didn't even cross my mind, but now I see that was actually payment for these gifts.

Now I feel like a shit wife with my paltry greeting card. And I feel a little annoyed that our savings goal won't be met this month because he broke our agreement - even though he only broke it in order to spoil me. People in my original post were calling me a spoiled brat, and it did start to make me feel like "What kind of person am I to be annoyed by this?" Especially because I know he is not normally a spendthrift, he checks with me before practically every purchase - but when it comes to gifts, he goes all out. I feel absolutely awful for feeling more annoyed than grateful right now.

Just trying to vent out these feelings before he wakes up.

EDIT: Went out to get some heart balloons and a cheesecake from his favorite place, just to have a LITTLE something more than a greeting card. When I got back, he was arranging the jewelry box in front of yet another large gift bag. The bastard. It was a gorgeous ankle length wool coat, because last time we saw a show I made an offhand remark about how nice it would be to have a proper coat long enough to cover even my longest dress. He’s the best. I genuinely LOVE it.

We talked about my concerns; he apologized and said he felt bad that his Christmas gift had been such an expensive one and mine was relatively small in comparison, so he wanted to make up for it with Valentine’s Day. But he promised it wouldn’t happen again, and agreed to return the jewelry.

But I’m keeping the coat. And we already tore into the chocolates, which are practically little mouthfuls of delicious art, they are so beautiful. So I’m keeping those too.

Thanks for letting me vent, y’all ☺️