My friend took her own life instead of separating/divorcing her husband.

You know how sometimes you stay in a relationship longer than you should… and it’s not until you’re finally out of it that you realize how toxic it is? Yeah, I’m pretty sure my friend was in that situation.

I did not talk to her husband much, but the few times I met him I thought he was ok. I was always concerned with the fact that he wasn’t working, and that he was completely ok with my friend covering the cost for everything (including my husband one time, when we went out to dinner, the check came, my friend was in the restroom and her husband just shrugged his shoulders saying he didn’t have any money… yeah… my husband thought he was a real piece of shit at that moment).

It seemed to me their marriage started off ok, supportive, they were both happy, he genuinely loved and cared for her and she deserved that. However for some reason he did not work for almost 10 years… just because she said she didn’t mind being the breadwinner, doesn’t mean she was happy with being the sole earner. That should be obvious right? Especially in today’s economy!!?

I talked to her almost everyday. Over the years I heard her resentment build up towards him. Towards the end she was a shell of herself, more quiet, reserved, no more expression of anger-it broke my heart. She really wanted to leave him, to the point where she packed her important belongings and booked a one way ticket. I thought she just needed to distance herself from her husband, to figure out what she wanted. She told me she resented him and didn’t love him anymore, she just wanted to divorce and was already thinking about another guy. I was so hopeful she was on a path towards more positivity…

I couldn’t believe the news about my friend when I heard it from her husband. It took awhile to sink in, but while I was trying to grieve, I felt suffocated by his emotions. He expressed his frustration towards her and confusion, he couldn’t understand why she would have been in such despair… This was extremely frustrating to me, especially with all the shit my friend told me about. How could anyone be happy with a deadbeat husband at home while they were working two jobs and trying to pay off debt? I cannot believe when she suggested he get a job, his response was “but who will take care of you and the animals?” All of the “solutions” he provided involved his poor mother paying for things (including their debt) as well as being emotionally supportive while she was trying to find other jobs.

To this day he still complains about the burdens he is left with. He calls the debt “her debt” when in reality they would not have even had debt if he fucking worked. After she died he told me about all the times he would head over to a bar to enjoy a drink… again I was extremely frustrated because it seemed easier to eat and drink on her dime rather than try and figure out how to be a fucking adult and get things done.

Also, I am not his friend, I was not even married to him and I was already feeling overwhelmed by him and his emotions. I cannot even imagine how my friend must have felt dealing with his insecurities while she was trying to deal with her own depression.

Reddit, apologies for being all over the place. I just want to say if you’re feeling trapped in a relationship, or if you feel stuck and like you’re not “building a future” with someone, please please do not follow my friends footsteps. Please consider couples counseling, individual counseling, or leaving the person.

She was such a joy to be around and brilliant, I will miss her forever.

I already posted a letter to him/reddit with more colorful language incase anyone is interested. I found it extremely therapeutic. I’m scared because he uses reddit, but I need to grieve in my own way.