How controlling, abusive parents enable abusive marriages

Understanding the dynamics of parental control, breaking free, and more

In a patriarchal society, many women never have the chance to live independently, free from the control of men and other self-appointed authorities. They live under the thumb of controlling parents who may limit their access to the outside world, control their friendships, and dominate their relationships.

This primes them to believe that control and love are synonymous. Thus many women, as soon as they are able to wiggle their way out from under their parents’ authority, fall victim to the control of an abusive man.

Some never manage to escape their parents, who retain significant involvement in their relationships. Should the woman ever try to escape an abusive relationship, her parents will often collude with her abuser.

That’s because abusive parents believe that the primary job of parents is one of control. For women, this control often extends well into adulthood. Patriarchal societies don’t ever view women as fully adult, competent, or rational. As such, a woman’s attempts to escape control are always evidence of the need for further control, and often a sign that she’s mentally ill or otherwise unwell.

This is an introduction to a topic I’ll be covering in more detail over the coming months, in a new series I’m calling “High control parenting to high control marriages.” This is a broad overview of the subject, and of the relationship between authoritarian parenting and later entering a controlling marriage. Some topics I’ll be covering in the coming months include:

• How authoritarian parenting disrupts the ability to detect abuse

• How authoritarian parents keep their kids in abusive relationships

• Preventing the next generation of abuse: Protecting your daughter if your spouse is an authoritarian parent

These pieces are bonuses for paid subscribers only, so I hope you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber. Please also share in the comments if there’s a specific topic you’d like me to cover in more detail!