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❤️‍🩹 relationshipAIO for being upset my husband forgot to come get me from work? He’s been driving me back and forth for two months with my car. (old.reddit.com)

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[–]bythebrook88 2695 points2696 points  (27 children)

The solution is that OP drives to work in future and husband can figure out his own transport. I wouldn't get in the car with someone who slams on the brakes repeatedly because HE'S upset. That's dangerous!

[–]Economy_Prune1870 242 points243 points  (7 children)

I reread OP’s post, but Where does it say anything about slamming on brakes?

[–]WitchOnTheRun 336 points337 points  (3 children)

This would then be his next reason to 1-remain unemployed, and 2-resent /blame OP. It’s probably what he’s trying to accomplish here, honestly.

[–]000fleur 211 points212 points  (2 children)

Then let him. And then leave him.

[–]Psychological-Dot475 349 points350 points  (5 children)

This is a typical abuser action. They drive scary or turn quickly to hurt you. So they can hurt you without actually hitting you. 

Please leave. He's illogical, self-involved, and violent.

[–]llamadramalover 128 points129 points  (0 children)

I feel like we need to officially name this “”vehicular abuse””. It is sooooo common, eve eh time I’ve heard of a person doing this shit with a car a few questions reveals they are abusive in many other ways. Way too many people just call this road rage or impatience or literally anything but the abuse with a 2ton death machine that it most definitely tf is.

[–]NoKatyDidnt 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I had an ex that did this kind of thing quite often.

[–]Juliennix 60 points61 points  (1 child)

husband can figure out his own life as an exhusband, the way he spoke to her.

[–]Glad-Combination-759 47 points48 points  (0 children)

He’s fucking someone else that’s how he “FORGOT” put a gps tracker on your car, you can get one from amazon for like 20 bucks and see where he actually is going. My ass he went home knowing he had to pick you up. Bs

[–]Electronic_Green541 114 points115 points  (0 children)

Exactly... Her husband is a crazy ass dumb dumb. Gonna fuck around and get someone hurt.. Or worse.

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    [–]Low-Agency2539 2188 points2189 points  (206 children)

    So he’s unemployed, gets your car all day, forgot to get you on time (which idk how, he’s unemployed), and you pay for everything 

    But he says you ruined HIS life?

    Girl he would have not been sleeping at home tonight that’s for damn sure

    [–]SaltyShaker2 422 points423 points  (2 children)

    And she takes care of the house, which I'm assuming means all the housework.

    OP, my Son in law was laid off back in July. They have 1 car, she drives it to work because, as he says, he doesn't have money to go anywhere. Quit letting him keep the car every day. He has nowhere to go, he doesn't have a job. Unless he is going on a job interview or running errands all day, he needs to be home applying for jobs.

    [–]Boxer03 103 points104 points  (1 child)

    And doing the housework!

    [–]Virgogirl1984 340 points341 points  (0 children)

    THISSSSSSS!!!! This is the comment I was looking for! OP has every right to be annoyed and snap about it. He’s driving her car all day doing whatever and can’t remember to pick her up?! While she’s the only person working and holding down the entire household! SMH

    [–][deleted] 175 points176 points  (13 children)

    This 100%!!!!! Other comments saying she's overreacting like tf thats her husband. The disrespect from him is ridiculous.

    [–]Embarrassed_One07 367 points368 points  (184 children)

    He’s laying in the bedroom right now hasn’t said a word to me since he got done screaming at me in the car otw home from work. I don’t understand how me saying screw you was reacting like Godzilla. He hates me, I think. All of his insecurities are my fault according to him. Idk. He says so many awful awful things and everytime I swear to myself I’m not going to let him treat me this way and he always ends up acting like nothing happened and I don’t wanna fight. I just want peace. At what point will he say something I can’t forgive?? Apparently calling me a miserable horrible person who ruined his life and will never be happy is not it.

    [–]SpookyKat31 295 points296 points  (0 children)

    I just want peace.

    You will never have peace as long as you live with a person who takes no responsibility for their own emotions and behaviors.

    [–]edgeoftheatlas 136 points137 points  (1 child)

    Gently, I do think you also enable him. I am in no way saying his behavior is your fault, as he is a grown man, but there is a lot of people-pleasing stuff you do that puts you in a position to be taken advantage of by manchildren like this.

    1. You let him take the car when you work and he doesn't.
    2. You offer to buy him coffee or snacks or whatever when he's home all day and could theoretically prepare his own food.
    3. You try to talk him out of having a job—biggest red flag here. He has to get up early? So what? It's warehouse work? So what? It's "only" $18.50/hr? Isn't that better than zero dollars per hour?

    It seems like you prioritize his feelings above your own, and then resent him for doing the same. 100% NOR, but you are doing yourself a disservice, both by staying in this relationship and also by setting your expectations of him so low.

    [–]Efficient-Grand8247 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    This sums it up perfectly

    [–]Top-Algae-1127 117 points118 points  (1 child)

    You know he is abusive, right? In addition to the verbal and emotional, financial abuse is another type of domestic abuse.

    [–]Violent_Milk 56 points57 points  (0 children)

    At what point will he say something I can’t forgive?? Apparently calling me a miserable horrible person who ruined his life and will never be happy is not it.

    What about when he starts putting his hands on you? The physical abuse has already started with that brakes stunt.

    [–]EyeGreen9333 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Now comes the Silent Treatment. Please leave him.

    [–]sallystruthers69 53 points54 points  (1 child)

    NOR. IF YOURE SUCH AN AWFUL BITCH THEN DIVORCE HIS LOSER ASS AND HE CAN GO LIVE IN A SHELTER AND PANHANDLE! what the actual fuck, girl. You are 100% supporting his loser ass and he has the AUDACITY to bite the hand that feeds??

    No! Fucking get RID of this parasite. He's such a fuck, you don't deserve to raise this overgrown selfish f-cking boy.

    [–]Pomegranateprincess 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    The lack of self respect is astounding. I know many people don’t get it until they type it out but sheesh.

    [–]Overall_Lab5356 67 points68 points  (22 children)

    Ah. So you're staying then.

    [–]CocoaShortcake88 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    NOR. Drive your car yourself from now on.

    Is he even on you car insurance?

    [–]anonymousmouse9786 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    You get lasting peace by leaving him. Imagine coming home every day to peace and quiet.

    I taught middle school. I know how exhausting it is. A good friend of mine, a fellow teacher, finally kicked out her asshole husband and it’s been hard but she told me the sense of peace and quiet at home is so refreshing. That could be your future!

    [–]NoKatyDidnt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Former middle school assistant teacher. You’re not kidding about the stress. It’s a wonderful, rewarding job, but it’s emotionally taxing. It’s also more physical than many other jobs, say, in an office. You’re definitely on your feet all day at minimum. I was exhausted coming home every day. All I wanted to do was lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling for a bit. OP should be able to if she wants to. I don’t see how she could maintain this for much longer. The emotional energy she’s putting out… no one is putting into her. So, OP… if you see this, at a bare minimum, devote the extra energy you are using on him and do something for YOU. I don’t care if it’s as simple as taking a walk, or a nap, or long hot showers. But yourself a treat and watch Netflix. But do not do another thing that is “for him” until you do something for yourself. I think if you start doing this every day, you’re going to feel better and be more clear headed… and I think at that point you will have your answer. Wishing you all the best.

    [–]Handbag_Lady 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Imagine doing what you are doing now but with one less mouth to feed. Would you be better off both financially and mentally?

    [–]KarmaL33 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Nor. Life is too short girl. Simple. At the end of the day you gotta do you. I hope you manifest everything you truly want in life. Some decisions in life may sting and feel huge and alien-like but quickly you will see a new future full of positivity, new opportunities and chances to experience the world feeling seen, heard, valued and respected. Sending positive vibes your way.

    [–]EyeGreen9333 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    NOR. You said "He hates me, I think." I don't know if it's hate, but he doesn't like you or respect you at all. He will never change btw. I'm sorry to have to tell you that. Get out while you're young.

    [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    You have to learn to have self respect for yourself. He doesn't need to say anything. Pick yourself up and leave the man child. Someone who loves you doesnt treat you that way and if you loved yourself you wouldnt allow it. Leave him find that self love. You will be so happy and life will get much better. I promise

    [–]FunLocksmith7571 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    It sounds like you’re going to forgive him anyway. Unless you stand your ground and have him respect you, he will not change.

    I mean why would he? He’s got you paying the bills, used your car with no consequences, doesn’t work, and gaslights you as to why he’s got it bad.

    If you want this to be your life, then continue on. If not, straighten out that man. No more car, he needs to get a job and if he can’t pay half the bills, then do something. You married a man, not gave birth to a child.

    There are so many men out there that will provide for you, or go half with you. They will treat you like the way you should be treated. Currently, you’re with a man child

    [–]ParisBagdad 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    NOR. The exact same thing happened to me. He quit his job, refused to do chores, demanded I buy him things, complained we were on a budget and also said I am horrible and ruined his life while I took care of everything. Turns out he was cheating and kept creating conflict so I would never dare to ask him questions, and I was too busy defending myself and trying to understand what I did wrong to even question him. Now finally divorced and much happier. I think your husband is only creating fights so you don’t ask the right questions or don’t force him to go to work. Blaming you makes him feel better about himself too. Unfortunately, it only goes worse from there. Good luck!

    [–]MultiMillionMiler 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    You did nothing wrong. He's already entitled enough to not be working for months putting everything on you - a teacher (which is a vastly underpaid and underappreciated service to society - thank you ❤️) can do whatever he wants all day and still flips out like a petulant man-child from him forgetting to do something? He should be treating you like royalty for supporting him like that if he doesn't work. Doing every little thing to make you happy.

    Does he have like severe untreated mental health problems? Cause I do, struggle constantly, am 26 and living at home with my parents but at least I still do food/package delivery apps to make something. And help around the house alot. He can get some job, even if it's only part time minimum wage where you set your own hours like me. Took me less than 2 days to start making money, for picking up food/packages/appliances/groceries/car parts and dropping them at doors, guided with GPS so 0 mental or physical labor.

    So nah, that was all abusive, entitled, and lazy. But again thank you for helping educate our kids! I wish you people would get more of my tax money than fucking billionaires, and I've read middle school can be harder to teach than high school or elementary so kudos, you're an essential fundamental worker.

    [–]NaiveSink7172 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Do you honestly believe he will change for the better? The answer is no. Classic NPD symptoms. Leave now before he wastes more years of your life.

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      [–]mattedroof 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      I let my shitty abusive bf do this to me when I was like 18, can’t imagine being married to it

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        [–]DZHMMM 1164 points1165 points  (23 children)

        NOR. Stop letting him use ur car.

        It is ur car, he has no job, and is doing "whatever". Girl, use ur own car and call it a day.

        Also, all those things he yelled... I would believe he means it. Sounds like someone is resentful and shifting blame...

        [–]Longjumping-Pick-706 165 points166 points  (0 children)

        This exactly. My ex was the same. Never took accountability for anything. Turned it on me real quick before he would ever admit he was wrong and apologize. All your husband had to do was apologize OP.

        He also said cruel shit like that to me when he was angry. Guess what? I came to learn he actually meant it. He had/still has a great disdain for me and completely resents me. He put all his faults on me and made me the scapegoat for his failings. It was misery.

        NOR

        [–]didthefabrictear 140 points141 points  (4 children)

        Right. And how is she the only one working but also still doing all the house chores?

        And then he just forgets to pick her up, in HER car – and HE has the audacity to get mad at her for being pissed?

        This man should be doing the overwhelming bulk of domestic work while he’s not working. I mean, we expect women to do that even when they do work and/or have kids full time – but this guy just dumps everything on his wife, then gives her attitude when he forgets her.

        The bar….its in hell for so many women.

        [–]Accomplished_Dig284 25 points26 points  (0 children)

        Yup. I imagine he doesn’t do anything around the house when he does have a job.

        Whatever you do, don’t have kids with this man, because you will always have a full grown child to take care of along with the kids

        [–]Ok-CANACHK 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        I'm convinced the bar no longer exists

        [–]NoKatyDidnt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I was thinking this. If she’s supporting him, why on earth is she still having to do all the housework? At bare minimum, he should be taking care of his own laundry, food prep and clean up, etc and for the love of God… if someone isn’t going to “clean up “, at the very least, they should take care to leave no evidence that they used a space. Basically things should be the same as you found them- if not better. I think that’s just basic roommate level decency, and certainly the bar should be higher for a spouse.Op should be able to expect it, and MORE importantly- her husband should want to be doing it. Ugh.

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          [–]FalconAlternative282 36 points37 points  (1 child)

          Exactly. He told you exactly what he thinks of you, OP. Why would you want to stay with someone who talks about you like this??

          You’re doing everything for him. The only thing he needs to do is drop you off and pick you up if he wants to use your car and he can’t handle that, so he doesn’t get to use your car.

          I’d be livvvidddd

          [–]Accomplished_Dig284 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          I can see why he doesn’t have a job in the first place

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            [–]AppropriateWeight630 182 points183 points  (0 children)

            Stop letting him drive your car. Im sure decompression at lunch in your vehicle would help your day. He can take the bus.

            [–]Appropriate-Cook-852 173 points174 points  (1 child)

            Omg stop coddling this loser!! Do you need food 🥺? Money? 🥺 I don't want you getting up so early 🥺 you're worth more than that🥺. Like cmon?? He's unemployed, USING YOUR car, is broke, and on top of all that is an inconsiderate jerk?? Please grow a spine.

            [–]twit___ 55 points56 points  (0 children)

            This, I kinda can’t even feel bad for her cuz what the hell is she doing talking to him like he’s 5

            [–]Ok-Government-5394 377 points378 points  (10 children)

            Idk why everyone is mad at you babes honestly I wouldn’t let him use your car anymore.

            [–]Embarrassed_One07 125 points126 points  (9 children)

            Thank you. I think a lot just read the texts and not context.

            [–]duckysmomma 84 points85 points  (0 children)

            Ngl I was on the fence reading the texts. Then I read the context and it clicked. I’ve been in both your positions, my husband got lost in video games and forgot to pick me up from work and didn’t answer the phone. My boss gave me a ride home since I didn’t live far from work. I was embarrassed and angry (my car was in the shop). To say my husband was apologetic is an understatement.

            I’ve also been unemployed for a few months between jobs. I picked up ALL the housework, cooking, laundry, basically we only split taking care of the kid for that time (toddlers are a lot of work and he’s an amazing dad!). You’re not overreacting, he’s not pulling his weight and while everyone makes mistakes he’s not even remotely sorry. I’d spell it out for him, either he starts being a partner or he can be alone, you’re not his mother.

            [–]Ok-Government-5394 44 points45 points  (0 children)

            Please don’t listen to these people telling you to support him. He’s a grown man who’s depending on you basically leave him.

            [–]Constant-Internet-50 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            It’s obvious that the whole situation is building resentment. It’s not just this one thing, you’re being crushed under the weight of all the responsibility and his slight hurt you because you’re giving so much and feel invisible.

            Couples counseling if you can afford it. A major talk about how you feel, not the mistakes, is needed. Then you can judge the actions that follow. Good luck op.

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              [–]thrwwy2267899 252 points253 points  (12 children)

              NOR- but you both sound young and co-dependent. Holy fuck. Why is this unemployed man keeping your car all day? Drive yourself, he has nowhere to go unless there’s an interview scheduled.

              Why do you mother him? Asking if he wants a coffee or slim Jim, or needs gas money? What is this ‘man’ actually bringing to the non existent table?

              Also why are you against him getting a warehouse job and waking up too early…. Hes unemployed, encourage him to take anything offered so you’re not paying for his whole existence, when he can’t even pick you up on time

              [–]Nova_Tango 25 points26 points  (0 children)

              Codependency indeed.

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                [–]2o2Tran 33 points34 points  (0 children)

                lol you talk to him as if he’s your child, then get mad when he messes up like a child

                [–]Twilight_Rat 75 points76 points  (2 children)

                I think you’re both over reacting. Hes weird for not working for no reason, but you’re also enabling it. He’s got a job opportunity and you’re saying things like “id hate for you to wake up early” or “you’re worth more than 18.50” dudes making 0 dollars an hour right now, if you want him to get a job and be happy about it, be supportive about ANY opportunity especially if you’re upset the financial burden is falling on you. Who gives a shit if he has to wake up early, who cares if it was 12 dollars an hour? Better than what he’s pulling now. Do not baby this man. He’s acting like a spoiled brat but that’s how you’re treating him.

                [–]Gucci_Caligula 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                No seriously, this man is not too good to wake up early and earn $18.50 🤦🏻‍♀️

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                  [–]LlamaMama56 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                  NOR The things he said in anger, that resentment has been building and he meant every word. Begrudging you for liking your job is an immature response. His going scorched earth in the car and screaming is so many red flags. Pay attention here. He crossed boundaries of decency and he will continue to abuse you now that he's crossed the line.

                  Why are you upset you said 'screw you' when he dismissed forgetting to pick you up and was gaslighting you! Look up reactive abuse.

                  [–]LaLunaDomina 53 points54 points  (2 children)

                  NOR. Life doesn't have to be like this.

                  [–]Embarrassed_One07 27 points28 points  (1 child)

                  This hit me probably harder than any other comment. Thank you for your feedback.

                  [–]tequilaandchill 137 points138 points  (2 children)

                  I’m a gay man and there’s something about the way these women baby talk to these men that is absolutely disgusting to me lol but I guess that’s just me. It’s like talking to a child almost, is this what you women are dealing with out there? Sheesh. Like does he think he deserves more than 18.50 lol seems like he needs to believe in his damn self. I would’ve thought this was a convo between a mom and her 16 year old looking for a summer gig. Anyway, he definitely should not have forgot because he has no excuse to forget lol

                  [–]royaltampaacademy212 46 points47 points  (0 children)

                  Yes I feel your comment in my bones - if you strip away the descriptors/context it absolutely reads as mommy and baby. Ugh. Poor lady needs to learn some self esteem and prioritize herself.

                  [–]JCBashBash 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                  Seriously, like talking about buying him a Slim Jim made me sick

                  [–]CalligrapherNovel880 94 points95 points  (1 child)

                  NOR. take your car back. you reminded him an hour before, it’s the same time every day and once again, YOU REMINDED HIM. he is a grown up and it seems like BOTH of you are stressed out. grownups shouldn’t need repeat reminders and if he’s that sick of being married to you he sure as fuck doesn’t need car privileges. tell him to take public transit or walk

                  [–]pqu 24 points25 points  (0 children)

                  Honestly the forgetting part is annoying but potentially forgivable IMO. But the response to it afterwards is a huge red flag.

                  [–]iswallowmygum 81 points82 points  (1 child)

                  I can tell you from experience, you are married to a loser. Your life will never get better with him.

                  [–]Upstairs_Ruin_8206 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  Yep, been there myself. NOR.

                  [–]081673 116 points117 points  (4 children)

                  He doesn't remember the name of the company he applied to? I call bullshit.

                  [–]just_awallflower 16 points17 points  (3 children)

                  For real

                  [–]generic1234321 16 points17 points  (2 children)

                  Of all the things to call BS on, this is the easiest one to forget tbf if you’ve been job hunting for ages

                  [–]Vast-Website 58 points59 points  (1 child)

                  He didn’t even apply to the company. An agency he’s working with just told him about an available position. He remembered the significant info about the offer - salary, hours, location - and forgot the name he didn’t recognize. Not weird.

                  [–]busy-warlock 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                  Agreed, temp agencies spit so much info at you so fast…

                  But he’s still a total jerk

                  [–]Nicholas_Pappagiorgi 32 points33 points  (0 children)

                  You get off at 2 and he read your message at 1:48? I’m confused as to how late he could have been.

                  [–]Electrical-Tailor530 94 points95 points  (22 children)

                  What did I just read? "I love you girl, honey" snookums (yeah I added that one) "you mean the world to me" then it's "you ruined my life why did I marry you, Godzilla!"

                  Is he bipolar or just hungry? I thought this was two teenagers at first. 

                  [–]MartinisnMurder 21 points22 points  (6 children)

                  “you ruined my life why did I marry you, Godzilla!”

                  Okay this sent me! I’m a little blazed but I laughed wicked loud reading this. I read “Godzilla” in a big deep angry voice. 🤣🤣🤣

                  [–]Electrical-Tailor530 6 points7 points  (5 children)

                  OK, but this was all in the caption, I didn't just make it all up lol 

                  [–]MartinisnMurder 4 points5 points  (4 children)

                  I missed the Godzilla part I guess.

                  The Taco Bell gave me that scene from Mean Girls

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                    [–]Connect_Background59 67 points68 points  (0 children)

                    Why does he need the car if he’s not working? NOR?

                    [–]Patient_Gas_5245 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                    Isn't this a repost from last week?

                    [–]PettyFlap 24 points25 points  (0 children)

                    Girl you said lol first

                    [–]Creative-Fact-2862 65 points66 points  (4 children)

                    My ex husband used to "forget" to pick me up from the train station after work. You know why? Because he was busy with his affair. I wasn't a priority and you are not one to your husband. NOR. 

                    [–]goodorfear 23 points24 points  (1 child)

                    first thought this because why does he keep the car if he’s unemployed? then when he randomly said “thank u my girl you mean the world to me,” to something so… insignificant? not sure that’s the word i want to use but it just felt out of place. then he can’t seem to remember the name of the company he interviewed for nor does he seem to know how far the drive is, then he randomly forgets the time she gets off when it’s the same every day? then he yells at her for “ruining his life by marrying him?” HES CHEATING HELLO???

                    [–]OrganicHandle47 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                    This was my first thought. Was busy with someone else and couldn’t just end the date and that’s also why he wants to work far away. Wouldn’t doubt that’s where the other girl lives. That’s also why he couldn’t give her the name or location of where he had his interview.

                    [–]Next-Bodybuilder-117 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                    I was thinking affair too, still no job but using the car all day…

                    [–]Tough-Pear2389 37 points38 points  (0 children)

                    take your car back

                    [–]GGirlTeaRoses 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    NOR, people can make mistakes but not take their error out on you!

                    OP - I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but it sounds like you don’t have children with him. If you want to have children someday please think about whether you want it to be with HIM. If he can’t partner with you to support each other, or do something to support himself, parenting with him will be a nightmare.

                    [–]Decent-Fun-4136 42 points43 points  (10 children)

                    I’m hung up on you supporting it even though you literally say “you deserve more” and he says he “doesn’t know” what it is. Sir. You don’t know who just offered you a job? And then the quick defensive “sorry I forgot what time you got off” even though you clearly reminded him? Somethings off here. While I totally get how he’s stressed to not have a job, and you’re stressed bearing the weight of everything….him not knowing who was giving him a job and then not picking you up? When he KNOWS HES SUPPOSED TO is giving the idea that something else is going on that he’s hiding.

                    [–]WitchOnTheRun 39 points40 points  (8 children)

                    I think he’s angling for OP to revoke his car sharing privileges and tell him not to take that job because it’s low pay and long commute. He wants to stay home and not work. When she didn’t tell him to stay unemployed he decided to “forget” to pick her up (she gave him the idea!) so she couldn’t rely on him for rides. Weaponized incompetence.

                    [–]joydubs 29 points30 points  (3 children)

                    $18.50 starting pay for unskilled labor with no degree required is actually good pay

                    [–]Able-Garlic-4071 13 points14 points  (1 child)

                    Op said in a comment that he’s turned down other jobs that don’t pay over $20

                    [–]MrLizardBusiness 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                    I like that he's unemployed but feels he can turn down jobs.

                    [–]MrLizardBusiness 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    Right? I don't make that much.

                    [–]iloveyourlittlehat 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                    What was his plan for taking a job that’s a 45 minute drive away when he doesn’t have a car of his own?

                    [–]Decent-Fun-4136 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                    An extension of exactly my thoughts. Yes yes’

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                      [–]EyeGreen9333 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      He's doing it on purpose. It shows her he can't even be bothered to remember what time to pick her up. She's not important enough for him to remember.

                      [–]nippyhedren 36 points37 points  (0 children)

                      He’s a bum. But you know that.

                      [–]KevinBoston617 31 points32 points  (0 children)

                      You lol’d and he lol’d back and then you got mad he lol’d YTA for that. All the other stuff is clearly bigger problems in your relationship and this was just the spark to get the argument going.

                      [–]socialmama 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                      YOR. Well you both overreacted. He was lol because you lol'd first. What's the big deal waiting in front of coworkers and kids? What's the shame in that? You repeatedly said he forgot about you? He forgot to pick you up. There's a difference.

                      [–]Cautious_Regular3645 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                      All he said was to cut him some slack.

                      He was coming to get you, people are allowed to have brain glitches without being bombed with "screw you".

                      YOR

                      [–]Odd-Chemistry-1231 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                      Just here to say my partner and I are both currently dealing w a lot of stress and I could just feel it in these messages

                      [–]bagsofdrawls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      girl why did yall get married

                      [–]throwingpurple 21 points22 points  (0 children)

                      Stop loaning him your car. Him not having a car shouldn’t fall on your shoulders

                      [–]New_Environment2810 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                      I could get over him just being late because he forgot me, highly annoying and ridiculous? Absolutely, but its his fking reaction to your reaction that straight pisses me off.... "Oh im so stressed." " It'll be fine." "At least you have a job, enjoy!"... Oh yeah his unemployed ass , enjoy the usage of YOUR vehicle while you have to be the soul breadwinner worrying about paying bills etc with the holidays coming!... You know what we called guys like this back in my day? A SCRUB! Let me educate you.. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me, and shouldn't from you. No car, hanging out the window of his girls ride, trying to holler at you and gaslight while you're busting your ass working and he can't even get his unemployed ass there on time?! . Truth is you're the one with the power here . You CAN live without him and you would only have more money no supporting scrub, but scrub CAN'T live without you or someone else supporting him...  You're too good i can tell.

                      [–]Glittering_Swan4911 22 points23 points  (0 children)

                      NOR - him screaming at you in the car is not cool. He forgot about you so no need for shouting at you. He sounds depressed and you sound tired. You both have to cut each other some slack. Once he starts work hopefully he’ll get into a better mindset.

                      [–]Traeyze 21 points22 points  (0 children)

                      People are saying YOR and that you ought to have more compassion for what he is going through but I will push back on that slightly. You are carrying everything, you're the breadwinner and you've lost access to your car and you seem to be doing all the housework too...? Like what is it he does all day, why is the one task he has undertaken every day for 2 months now too much for him to handle when outside that he's just doing basic job hunting?

                      And yes, I do think your tone reflects the degree of burnout you are starting to feel. You're clearly hitting your limit and right now the marriage is not at all balanced and for him to be taking that out on you on top of that is pretty rich, this idea you ruined his life when you're keeping him afloat as is.

                      But please be careful. You note it yourself, you feel guilty for saying something mean. Do not become someone you don't want to be here. And you see how quickly it spirals when you do lose your cool. It sucks that means this is yet another thing where you have to be the bigger person but right now this is for your sake not his.

                      [–]needalittlehelp_ 28 points29 points  (0 children)

                      I don't know how all of a sudden you're under fire in these comments. You had already told him an hour ago don't forget me. Someone really asked "does he have ADHD?" As if that's an excuse for forgetting your wife when she gets off at the same time every day lol I'm sorry but it sounds like you married an imbecile. I hope you guys are able to work this out or I'm hope you're able to find somebody who is actually a partner and not a man child, who can actually keep down a job. One with benefits at that.

                      [–]reallyrisx 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                      YOR. “So you did forget about me, lol” “Lol” “Why are you laughing” I’m so confused.

                      [–]emalyne88 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                      Based on the info we have, I'd say you both overreacted.

                      [–]Stegles 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                      I’m gonna go against the grain here, MOR.

                      You put words into his mouth (figuratively), he never said he forgot you, he said he messed up the time and you escalated it. He said he just got home and went to the bathroom but was coming. This could be bad planning, delays, a mix up like he said or it could have been forgetting. You then took the situation from a 2-3 to a 7.

                      When someone is unemployed, they are not your servant unless you have some sort of arrangement.

                      I have been struggling to find work and my wife does this too. She thinks I’m doing nothing and that I’m at her beck and call.

                      I treat finding work like a job. I’m working on studying, side projects and family planning, that doesn’t mean it’s ok to book me in for random things all the time and constantly interrupt me and expect me to always available. You have a sense of this, you say “he drops me off at work and does whatever”, showing you haven’t taken the time to learn what his day looks like.

                      With all that said, if he’s just screwing around and wasting time, fine, go ham, but your post does t reflect any of this.

                      With all this said, he shouldn’t have blown up at you, but it’s likely built up tension over time and it seems you have other issues to work out. He definitely over reacted and needs to learn some self control.

                      You’re both under stress, you’re both worried clearly and you’re both handling it differently and have misaligned expectations of each other. Sort that out, agree to a plan and execute it so you’re not butting heads so much.

                      And please, fixate on an assumed negative narrative, it will only going lead to further problems.

                      [–]cyanidelemonade[🍰] 9 points10 points  (6 children)

                      Has he ever forgotten you before? Do you constantly remind him to pick you up?

                      [–]SuspiciousTwo5255 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      if i’m off work with my boyfriends vehicle and he wants me to pick him up from work ….thats all im gonna have on my mind. idk how he forgot to do that. shame on him for turning it around on you

                      [–]Competitive-Fox3556 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                      Yes you are .. you said “so you did forget about me, lol” with a whole ass emoji… I would have taken that as you realizing he did and you were making a joke out of it so he said … LOL in response and you accused him of not caring.

                      Sheeesh

                      [–]Competitive-Fox3556 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                      Additionally, if he does get that job.. how is this going to work with you being a teacher and getting off at 2ish and he would be getting off at 2:30 and yall are using 1 car? Logistically speaking, how would this work?

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                        [–]musixlife 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                        OP—you really laid into him over text. Without seeing how it went in the car, I understand why he was offended. People mess up sometimes. You were over the top with the texts.

                        [–]EmbarrassedYogurt386 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                        I do think you’re overreacting tbh

                        [–]FlissHaven 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                        YOR. You could have taken this laughed it off and it be another day, but instead you chose the bitch route acting like the MF doesn't care about you, like some crazy ex wife. Chill TF out, people forget things sometimes even to pick people up. It's not the end of the world, if he was doing it repeatedly I'd be on your side but it was 1 time, you don't have the right to be upset to the point where you feel the need to take it to reddit going off making him seem so much worse than he is. Wtf kind of partner does this shit?

                        [–]muldoonsclevergirl 21 points22 points  (10 children)

                        Why is everyone saying YOR?

                        Yes you blew up at him but by your edit and the context, I'm not surprised you blew up.

                        You pay for everything, manage all the mental and physical load of the home, groceries etc, he's driving your car and he can't pick you up on time?

                        Also if he isn't working and not contributing to the home, why the fuck is he not doing the housework, getting the groceries (by using your car), managing the home and cooking?

                        [–]Embarrassed_One07 21 points22 points  (5 children)

                        Idk how the housework. He just doesn’t do it, and someone has to. If I complain he says it’s because he’s depressed and suicidal, and he just sits on his games all day. I’m depressed too, but someone has to hold it together.

                        [–]flippysquid 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                        He’s either lying and weaponizing it to avoid being confronted about his shitty behavior, or he’s actually suicidal and needs professional help before he acts on it.

                        You’re not trained or equipped to discern which of the two it is or to help him if it is, so the only course of action when he says that is to call his therapist’s emergency number and let them know, or call 911 and tell them your partner says he’s suicidal.

                        If he’s doing it for attention, getting an EMT response and hospitalization will ensure he never does it again. If he’s actually suicidal then he’ll get professional intervention before it’s too late.

                        Don’t get caught in a trap of living your life on eggshells because of his supposedly fragile mental health. That’s not your responsibility and you literally aren’t able to help him with it.

                        [–]Lecter26 33 points34 points  (0 children)

                        You’re being a free maid to an unemployed male. Not only that, you’re letting him use your car? And yell at you in it? Girl.

                        [–]LLCoolMarx 31 points32 points  (0 children)

                        He's playing video games all day? You pay all the bills and do all the housework? He's got a free ride momma, and his resentment is like a teenager. The "triggered", the "suicidal", the break slams- this is all abuse. RUN.

                        [–]m1kasa4ckerman 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                        The epidemic of male loneliness strikes again!

                        s/ of course. OP- know your worth. Drop the dead weight.

                        [–]Comprehensive_Cow527 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                        Call 911 if he threatens suicide again. If it's real - he gets immediate help. If it's a ruse to control you - you get immediate confirmation.

                        [–]Embarrassed_One07 9 points10 points  (3 children)

                        It’s missing a lot of context. He hasn’t worked since August, but not because he has some specific degree. He has a high school diploma. He just doesn’t want to work in construction because everyone’s too mean and he doesn’t want to work for less than $20 an hour so I have a hard time getting excited about jobs and have to gauge how he feels.

                        [–]Odd-Worth7752 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                        Sounds like he just plain doesn’t want to work, and you’re letting him get away with it. Do you want to be this jerk’s bangmaid for the next 10 years? DUMP HIM

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                          [–]Curious_CSR 17 points18 points  (0 children)

                          NOR. I’m really rather surprised that the majority of comments I’m seeing are against you. I don’t know how much more slack you can cut this man who has been unemployed and using your vehicle, while YOU work to provide for the household. Not only that, you’re more than kind in all of these messages, and simply asked that he not forget you. If he genuinely think you ruined his life and he’s married to “Godzilla,” I’m not sure there’s much room for recourse.

                          I’d start looking for a reputable divorce lawyer, immediately. However, that’s just me. Counseling might work for you both, but only you can genuinely know that.

                          [–]Remarkable_Step_7474 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                          You both sound completely exhausting.

                          You claim to be stressed about all the bills falling on your shoulders and him being out of work. He has just found a job opening, and your first reaction is:

                          • that’s bad you’d have to get up early
                          • that’s not enough money
                          • give me all these details that you clearly don’t know, right now
                          • we should talk more about it later

                          Gee, I wonder why he was feeling pressured and what he needed to do next slipped his mind? A mystery for the ages, to be sure.

                          People sometimes forget shit. It sucks but it happens. It’s not a referendum on your relationship it’s one single mistake while distracted by something which IS a big deal and which you had just gone out of your way to make him feel bad about and punish the behaviour you claim you want to see (working and making money).

                          YOU started the ‘laughing about it’. The first person to say “lol” about him forgetting to pick you up was YOU, not him. Is he supposed to read your mind when you start out talking like you’re taking it as funny? While rushing to come drive and get you having realised the mistake, you also want him to follow your unflagged mood switch via, what, telepathy?

                          You are being absolutely fucking ridiculous throughout this conversation on every single topic. The only reasonable things you’ve said are that his mistake was frustrating when you were tried at the end of the day, and that he shouldn’t have yelled at you in the car - if you wanted to carry on this moronic fight that you chose to pick, he should have stopped the car so he wouldn’t be driving distracted by your drama.

                          Your annoyance at the mistake was valid. None of the rest of your behaviour makes one ounce of sense. Particularly ridiculous is “he’s finally found a new job like I wanted him to! Time to cook up some drama and remove the transport option that will let him take up that job opportunity!” - insane levels of undermining and sabotaging going on here.

                          So what is it? Are you financially abusive and on some level can’t cope at all with him regaining his independence, and that’s why you’re punishing him for making any moves toward it? Or are you just emotionally pathetically immature and have no capacity to manage your own behaviour with a view to actually moving toward the goals you claim to want?

                          [–]MyAggressiveFinger 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                          Yikes… there is so many things I want to say but… I’ll just sit here and say, stop texting your significant other/ spouse and have adult conversations on the phone or when he picks you up. The fact you are taking screen shots to ask strangers how you should feel about YOUR HUSBAND is crazy.

                          [–]cloistered_around 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                          From the text thread alone it does seem like you freaked out over a mistake. But with the context this feels much more like a last straw situation--you're tired of him not working, tired of him complaining you like your job, and tired of him using your car.

                          Solutions:  * Apologize for saying screw you. During this conversation also explain that you're not okay with the drop off scenario and are going to start driving your car to work again. Not because of the mistake--you haven't liked this scenario for a while and that's why you accidentally blew up. * You can't make him get a job but you can make an internalized timeline for when it's completely ridiculous he doesn't have one yet and you two should break up. * Be happy about your job anyway! I get it's hard to do when he's a grump--but I walked on eggshells around my partner for a decade and he never was happy anyway. You can't please the unpleasable so you might as well be happy!

                          [–]Emo_Trash1998 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                          I think you BOTH overreacted!

                          His reaction, which, I guess we just have to take your word for, was way out of line.

                          But the way you immediately went off on him because he accidentally forgot to pick you up ONE time, was also a huge overreaction! Sh•t happens! People lose track of time, it's not the end of the world! It's not like he left you standing there for hours on end!

                          I've forgotten to pick up friends/family before. They just laugh, call me a dumbass and when I apologize and say I'm on my way, they're always like "yeah, no worries! I'll be waiting at •insert location here•"

                          Fk sake, my mom forgot to pick me up once when I was in 1st or 2nd grade. School got out the same time every day but she got caught up with something and lost track of time! My best friend's mom drove me home and we all laughed about it because we all knew it was an ACCIDENT!

                          How old are you? You're fighting like teenagers over one little mistake! It sounds like you two don't even like each other. Why are you even still together?

                          There's a very simple solution here! It's your car! Drive yourself to work! Let him get a cab or take public transport!

                          [–]bethe1_ 19 points20 points  (3 children)

                          People saying you’re overreacting must be reading another post?? You tell him he forgot about you and he genuinely doesn’t even seem to care.

                          [–]SeLekhr 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                          NOR. Godddddddamnmmmnnnnn, these people piled on you.

                          This man does not respect you. That's what I see. Like, at all.

                          [–]retired_ma 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                          Do you want to spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells? As yourself that.

                          [–]CaterpillarLeft1791 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                          I see you say that you always forgive him but I don't feel it. I see your burgeoning resentment in just about every text, even the ones where you compliment him. He's trying his best to get a job, it looks like. Immediately critiquing the job he's getting is...a choice.

                          Admittedly from what you've said in the comments, he doesn't seem super kind when he's irritated either. Y'all have got to either learn how to be kind even when you're angry, or step away from each other when you're like this and process before projecting.

                          [–]Substantial_Town6623 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                          MOR from the texts it sounds like he was at an interview and when he told you about your reaction didn’t seem that happy, and with you saying he’s worth move than 18.50 makes it seem like you’re ok with him rejecting it if you need help you tell him to get any job than look for higher paying from there and forgetting to pick you up sucks but you were complaining at 1:48 at least 30 mins before you get off at 2:20 and every school i’ve seen has multiply exits and parking lots one normally for teachers only but even walking isn’t the end of the world you can look at it like exercise it just seems like a lot of built up resentment from both of you and you snapping made him snap y’all both need to talk openly about why and help each other take steps towards it relationship are supposed to yall vs the problem not vs each other

                          [–]dronebard 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                          YOR and so is he but also... Do you even like each other?

                          [–]asdf_clash[🍰] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

                          YOR. Holy shit you got mad at him fast. OMG I HAVE TO WALK TO TACO BELL NOW!!

                          It's pretty obvious you guys have a lot of problems and stresses in your relationship and you need to work on the big picture, or break up. Don't focus on this particular incident -- focus on what it triggered in you that made you snap.

                          Like if my wife got a job offer and then fucked up what time she was supposed to pick me up I would roll my eyes and get over it instead of berating her by text immediately... but I actually like my wife and don't have a ton of resentment I need to work through around her.

                          [–]Slow_Way7407 73 points74 points  (81 children)

                          You are so annoying and overreacting and he is too

                          Edit bc I decided to further elaborate: he is unemployed and when he tells you he can get this new job, instead of seeming excited or happy for him. You respond with what??? And if you have so much pressure from all the bills being on you, which is understandable, why are you not jumping with joy that he got some offer?

                          Further, forgetting you at work is inconvenient but it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not a big deal to wait in front of coworkers or kids. I doubt they even noticed and if they did, they won’t be thinking about it after 30 seconds. No, he shouldn’t scream at you or call you names but you come off bad in these messages too. You said lol and then got mad at him for saying lol, lol.

                          [–]Electrical-Tailor530 69 points70 points  (36 children)

                          He told her he regrets marrying her and she ruined his life. Op needs to either get marriage counseling or leave him. 

                          [–]Greedy-Umpire-222 10 points11 points  (18 children)

                          My gawd whst more demeaning talk does she need? Definitely doesn't deserve this. Pile on

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                            [–]wordsmythy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                            Waiting to be picked up in your own car when he’s gallivanting all over the place in it as if it belongs to him. I would be pissed too. She said several times “don’t forget me.” And then he did.

                            Have you ever been in a middle school all day? It’s a lot of stress. And you still have papers to grade when you get home. And when you’re expecting to leave, you want to leave on time and not wonder where your ride is especially when is your own goddamn car.

                            He has her car, so he has taken her independence for himself. He gets to go wherever he wants… Except he is expected to drop her off and pick her up on time. It’s the least freaking thing he could do.

                            [–]New_Environment2810 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                            She said it was really far away. And since they would be sharing one vehicle the times may not match... Just because someone gets a job doesn't mean it's a good fit. I got the impression that was the issue.. Like when I got pregnant at 18 and boyfriend came home and proudly stated he got a job... That was an hour away and the job was trying to sale knock of perfume \cologne door to door... I wasn't happy because I was in highschool and his introverted ass definitely wasn't going to be some great salesman.. i was right.

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                              [–]Biddles1stofhername 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                              Yeah YOR. The whole tone of the conversation shifted from kind and lighthearted to just straight up mean. Your husband made a mistake and immediately rectified it yet you still blew up on him, unnecessarily imo.

                              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                              Hes unemployed relying on YOU! Using your car, which you pay for and also fill up the gas. The only job he has in the relationship is to pick you up from work and I don't see how that can be something soooo taxing on him. He cannot provide bare minimum, you gotta run!

                              [–]Ill_Media5688 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                              Girl if you don’t take your keys and take your car to work 🤣 wth idk why women let men use their car anyway because most of the time it’s like this. My bf had something going on with his car and he asked to use mine and pick me up from work. Hell no lmao I knew he would be late picking me up

                              [–]strawcat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                              I just want to point out that you did laugh when you asked him if he forgot about you so he probably laughed bc he thought you were laughing it off. Then you flipped your shit in him in the next breath.

                              I’m not saying you have no reason to be upset, but I do think you bear some responsibility for the escalation of the situation.

                              [–]two_cents_444 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                              nah he was 100% avoiding the topic of picking you up on time. it seems sketchy that he refused to answer you twice about it, and kinda shows some red flags that maybe he was using your car for something he’s hiding from you. maybe that’s not it, but that’s where my mind goes.

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