AIO for the way I acted in my texts with my partner?

WastingTimeOnMyBreak · 2025-09-08T14:32:23+00:00

If my husband talked to me the way you talk to your partner I wouldn't be with him. You are extremely condescending.

"If I find a nail in my foot I'm going to be so disappointed" While they're literally building a crib and prob frustrated by the process and fact they couldn't find the nails.

"If you want to deflect ... then go for it but I'm not going to entertain it"

"Wow thanks for calling me annoying that felt great" (you're literally deflecting here, btw)

"Here comes the guilt trip"

"I'm done with this"

"Here comes the demeaning attitude"

"You don't give a shit when you hurt me" (deflecting again. Their conversation was about how you hurt them, but you've completely ignored it and focused on yourself or shut down the conversation. You're also turning your insult (joke) into a way to victimize yourself.)

"I will not be replying until you apologize. I refuse to tolerate it"

Was your partner being perfect in this conversation? No, of course not, but it escalated because of you. You seem horribly intolerable, trying to act holier than thou and controlling the conversation as if they're a child and you stand on higher ground. Get over yourself.

No one is perfect and they were clearly frustrated because they dropped the nails and your "joke" (which I don't actually believe was said in a joking tone) didn't sit right, so they lashed out due to that frustration, which isn't right but can be understandable in the moment. I wouldn't have made it a big deal at all if my husband made some off hand snark bc I decided to annoy him in a situation like that. I'd have helped him look for the nails or kept our kid out of the room until they were found.

uncommongerbil · 2025-09-08T12:16:23+00:00

Glad this happened in a nursery because this is childish.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2025-09-08T14:03:17+00:00

Yeah... So here's the thing. You both are being ridiculous.

Never argue over text. Ever. Ever ever ever. As soon as tensions build, put your anger and frustration to the side and suggest a phone call or talking in person. It NEVER ends well.
Remember that (in healthy relationships) you guys aren't adversaries. You're partners wanting to make this relationship work and are preparing for something beautiful. So if he or you are hurt by something...you need to respect the person you married and vowed to love enough to hear them out. Put your ego to the side and HEAR the person. It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to have to apologize. It doesn't make you less than for making a mistake. Digging your heels in and being "right" gains you absolutely nothing. In fact, I would argue that you lose far more when you win an argument.
What's helpful for me to remember in times where I think my husband is overreacting about something I said or did is to remember that we are living two totally separate lives and our perceived reality is impacted by that. It's completely possible that my intentions don't line up with the impact they have on him. AND ITS OKAY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT and make him feel heard and try and avoid it in the future.
I'm currently pregnant and my husband is doing so much to prepare for the baby since I can't. If I made a comment about being "disappointed" in him over something stupid, he would probably get a little hurt by it...regardless of my tone. Because, let's face it, most passive aggressive jokes have kernels of truth in them but we are too scared to face it head on so we convince the other person we didn't mean anything by it. The second he called you annoying and seemed aggravated by what you said - I would have stopped and asked my husband what he was feeling. He's probably just as overwhelmed as you with the coming changes. I would have listened to my husband, apologized for my poorly delivered joke, and then calmly asked him that the next time I hurt his feelings to tell me...so I could make it right, rather than insult me. THATS healthy conflict.

abcdcba1232 · 2025-09-08T13:54:02+00:00

Honestly…

This sounds like a build up of miscommunications on both sides. Like obviously the other person was way out of line, but I can understand the frustration of trying to communicate to somebody who just isn’t getting it.

My best guess? They were stressed and overwhelmed about the nursery. You made a “joke” that did not land as a joke. Even as a third party observer, I don’t think it was funny. It sounds a LOT more like a veiled criticism. Like I hear “god can’t you just ever do anything right” and no it’s not healthy to call you annoying, but they were trying to match your delivery by “joking” that you’re annoying.

And whether you actually genuinely were trying to make a joke, your intentions are only half the story. Because intentions are 50% and impact is the other 50%. And they are telling you, not directly but pretty damn clearly to me, that the impact of your “joke” was very hurtful. And the fact that they reverse uno-ed you and basically did the exact same thing you did to them was intentional. They’re trying to show you that what you said was hurtful by doing the same thing to you. I’d wager a guess that they’ve tried to tell you they don’t like your “jokes” and you don’t listen because you insist that your intentions matter more than the impact. So they’re playing your game and you got your feelings hurt.

I’d say if you don’t want to be called annoying then you need to learn how to stop annoying your partner 😅

And weaponizing psychology terms isn’t cool either. You’re invalidating and shutting down the other person. Like no, it’s not okay to be mean to your partner. But you’re being mean to them too. You make mean jokes and then invalidate their pain when they try to tell you it’s hurtful. You act like your pain is reasonable but theirs isn’t.

And it sounds like to me that they’ve tried everything they can think of to try to communicate in a healthy way and they feel like the only way you might possibly understand is if they try to communicate in different ways.

I don’t think it helps to assign blame here. You’re both having communication issues. You’re both contributing. And you both need to work on some things to get healthier.

Only_Tip9560 · 2025-09-08T12:54:20+00:00

I think you need to take on board that jokes like the one you made come across as criticism to your partner and then go from there. He did try and raise it with you in what looked like a pretty respectful way and you basically escalated it.

Nice_Pianist_8656 · 2025-09-08T14:36:09+00:00

Yes, YOR. Your initial comment was unnecessary and idk, I don't get how it was a "joke" because I don't get how it's funny? But even if it was a joke, it came off mean spirited and it obviously made your partner feel like crap, which is why he responded saying you're annoying. Which, yeah, isn't the most mature way to respond, but I get the impression (from your post and comments here) that you place unfairly high expectations/double standards on your partner, and when that goes on for a while people's fuse can get shorter than it once was, and a mean spirited "joke" like that can lead to less mature reactions.

Then you got upset at being called annoying, which, ok, that's probably not nice to hear. But you seem to be glossing over the fact it was a reaction to your hurtful comment. And if you were doing that on the phone then it makes sense to me why your partner said "I'm not doing this this morning" and hung up before he lost his temper even worse. Him then texting you afterwards to try to express his feelings is him still trying to repair the rupture, in a way he feels is safer (I'm guessing) or possibly to have it written down for future reference (which can be a way to protect yourself and your grasp on reality if you are being gaslit. I'm not accusing you of gaslighting him, but it can certainly feel that way for people when you approach conflict like this and refuse to acknowledge your part in it, regardless of who is 'right' or 'wrong'. It also takes away the potential for you to talk over him, or yell, or whatever else, and is also more respectful of the fact you were at work & had said you had to get back to work.

So, I think your partner has made an effort here to try to repair this, to discuss it as calmly as he felt able to, in a way that was respectful of you, and you've shut him down, then started saying stuff like "here comes the guilt trip" and that you won't entertain the idea you hurt his feelings first and that's why he called you annoying, because you were being a bit of an asshole.

Like... How do you not see your role in this? It's legitimately concerning that you don't, it's indicative of emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits. To be clear: I am not saying you have the personality disorder. We all have traits that aren't great, we're human, and I don't know your history or anything else about you, and I'm not your psychiatrist (or anyone's) so I'm not going to slap a disorder label on you. But I do think you're being self absorbed, immature and unreasonable. Potentially even manipulative, and possibly unconsciously so.

That should be a big fkn deal to you if you care about how your actions make the people you love feel. And you should care how your actions make others feel, even when your own feelings are hurt, too.

If you're going to be a parent and you bring this kind of behaviour and attitude to the table you are going to cause harm to your child's emotional and psychological development. Surely you don't want that?

I don't know if you see a therapist, but it's never too late to start, if you don't. For your baby's sake if nothing else. The way you've handled this is more than a little unhinged, even if your feelings are hurt. You don't seem to care about your partner's feelings or perspective at all, and that's not a constructive way to handle conflict. It's intimacy destroying, it ends relationships, and it harms children.

Regular-Talk-2742 · 2025-09-08T13:15:03+00:00

When you hurt his feelings, it was "just a joke." When he claps back and your feelings get hurt, he needs to validate your feelings?

Yup, you're the asshole and you're overreacting. Respect his feelings if you want him to respect yours.

Samanthas_Stitching · 2025-09-08T13:08:41+00:00

Your comment about the nail was unnecessary, and everything spiraled from there.

soulangelic · 2025-09-08T12:21:57+00:00

You guys are both assholes to each other. All of this passive aggression isn’t the way to be, and you’re both going heavy on it. Jeez. I’m sure preparing for a baby is quite stressful, but you have to remember that you’re a team and you’re in it together.

FWIW, if I made a simple mistake on accident and my husband told me he was going to be disappointed in me for it, I’d probably be unhappy about it too. I’m pretty sure he was on the defensive the whole time in these texts because he felt like you were shaming him for something he didn’t mean to do.

Wandering_Uphill · 2025-09-08T12:18:29+00:00

Everyone sucks here. You two need to get someone to help you communicate.

VegetableBusiness897 · 2025-09-08T12:20:10+00:00

[deleted]

Dazzling_End4638 · 2025-09-08T13:06:47+00:00

Please be adults and learn how to sit down and communicate. This is not it. You are both being mean and rude to each other and you both need to honesty grow tf up.

LilBitofSunshine99 · 2025-09-08T13:56:34+00:00

YOR

I don't know you and I find you both annoying AND condescending.

Your "joke" wasn't funny at all. Especially not early in the morning.

It's funny that you complain about how he treats YOUR feelings when you seem completely dismissive of his feelings. You get what you give.

aesparules · 2025-09-08T12:32:06+00:00

YOR, where is YOUR apology?

Rebellious-Banshee · 2025-09-08T13:17:04+00:00

OP I have read your replies to other people in the community and it seems like you’re doing to them what you have done to your partner.

You have put it in a community you got feedback and now you are biting back ?

Interesting to say the least

Extension_Eagle_8254 · 2025-09-08T12:42:00+00:00

Nah, OP is the jerk here. It’s rude to focus on a misplaced nail when he’s literally in there building your kid a crib and then he tried communicating pretty healthily and you just shut it down. The tonal whiplash from “I love you and I miss you” to “if you want to deflect…” in the very next text is crazy. He wasn’t deflecting, he was communicating how he felt and you went on the defensive because part of you knows he’s kinda right.

IAmSchmutz · 2025-09-08T13:16:31+00:00

Instead of saying you’d be disappointed if you stepped on a nail, it would’ve been better to say “I hope you find it before someone steps on it.”

This-Draft797 · 2025-09-08T13:11:31+00:00

Did you apologise for your comment before demanding an apology for his? Think this is basic resentment building up and tbh you both need to stop and think and talk to each other better before it gets worse. I would also be annoyed at a passive aggressive comments about nails first thing in the morning if I’m building a nursery, but he needs to communicate better when you say something that upsets him

Emotional_Elk_7242 · 2025-09-08T13:36:54+00:00

Good thing we’re asking these questions after conceiving with each other. Get counseling before your baby comes, they didn’t ask to have two parents who suck at communicating and treat each other like shit competitively.

TastyBeeflette · 2025-09-08T13:45:35+00:00

Yikes on bikes. If this is how you guys communicate and treat one another before baby arrives, I have some horrible news for you after the baby gets here. Take this x 10 with postpartum stress, chronic lack of sleep, zero personal time, and a screaming baby.

Phantomfox07 · 2025-09-08T13:46:48+00:00

Holy shit, you sound miserable as hell. Making an issue out of nothing that has happened. Kick rocks.

Toothless-mom · 2025-09-08T14:19:15+00:00

Your partner is right. They’re being a bit erratic in their responses, but if I was in their shoes, I think I’d feel the exact same. They’re building a nursery for your baby that’s coming, you’re not helping, and all you can say is you’ll be disappointed if you get a nail in your foot? Yeah no shit, anyone would be. And in case you forgot, your partner is actualy the one building the shit (again, without your help) and runs a larger risk of stepping on the lost nail than you, and I’m sure they’d be disappointed too. But that’s not what someone wants to hear in that moment. Maybe, “do you need help looking for it?” Or even a “be careful!” Your partners response to your antagonizing is valid, a joking “you’re annoying” partnered with an eye roll. You get all butthurt and insist it’s all about the word “annoying.” Seriously?! Just gonna ignore every other moment of that interaction that led up to it?! So you can dish it, but you can’t take it? And then you expect, as they said, a grand apology, and you won’t even try to recognize where you fucked up too? You’re both tired and on the way to becoming new parents, so its understandable how you got here, but it’s something you should both apologize for and move TF on. Yeah, YOR and YTA.

tommiejo12 · 2025-09-08T14:04:41+00:00

You will be "disappointed".. what the actual fuck? Gross. You posted on here to find out if you’re overreacting. The comment section is clearly pointing out something you are responsible for, and what do you do? You argue with the comment section. I wish this relationship the best of luck.

it was a ridiculous, petty and unnecessary comment. Own it.

kolmister · 2025-09-08T13:44:19+00:00

God are you both fucking 12? Who let you 2 procreate, you’re both petty hypocrite children who guilt trip eachother you say “here comes the guilt trip” while literally guilt tripping him the text prior, please stop posting your relationship on Reddit and seek counseling for the sake of your child at this rate you guys will either hurt eachother or be split in less than half a year, you 2 speak to eachother like a divorced teenage couple

Similar_Ad3132 · 2025-09-08T13:46:28+00:00

It would annoy me if I had just busted my ass doing something for us and you made a joke or not really a joke about the one thing that went wrong, before showing some gratitude or well done. And before people come at me BeCaUSe iTS hIs KiD- that’s fine but we can still be grateful for what our partners do. I expect my partners to make me coffee in the morning etc. I would still say thank you like, don’t be clowns on that point.

I think he’s right to have his back up, you immediately dismissed him by saying ‘yeah I said id be disappointed if it got in my foot’ because you immediately felt his reaction wasn’t valid, like he shouldn’t be annoyed at your joke. But he was. So accept that, validate it, apologise, say you do appreciate it and didn’t mean to come across as critical and move on.

EldritchGumdrop · 2025-09-08T13:50:14+00:00

He called you annoying because you’re being annoying. Hope this helps.

Defiant-Secretary638 · 2025-09-08T14:04:00+00:00

It sounds like you were expecting him to consider your feelings and acknowledge that he hurt you but you didn’t even acknowledge that what you said first hurt/upset him first. You immediately got defensive and brushed it off as a joke. First, that comment wasn’t really necessary, and second, you should have stopped and listened to him instead of turning it around and making it about your feelings. Could he have responded to this differently? Absolutely. But honestly your comment would have pissed me off too.

Ryebreadart · 2025-09-08T14:37:33+00:00

Girl the comments are not on your side, stop being to defensive, egotistical and childish. Just take a deep breath and admit to your partner that you were wrong and apologize. Bet he’ll be shocked to hear it. You’re bringing a child into this world time to leave the petty teenage behavior behind

marina_mari_ · 2025-09-08T13:13:58+00:00

YOR, and you sound super exhausting. Your partner is building a crib for your child, misplaces a nail (literally not a big deal) and you start mocking them. They are probably tired or stressed and then you chime in sounding ungrateful.

Careful-Bet-5745 · 2025-09-08T13:31:01+00:00

The question is, do you make little comments about things he does often? That might be the reason for him crashing out

Keepit100style · 2025-09-08T13:39:40+00:00

Bro how you get mad cuz he joked back with you, even if he didn’t, you’re wrong lol yes you’re overreacting and it’s sounds like he’s done with your manipulation bs

Mobile_Cranberry_575 · 2025-09-08T12:33:49+00:00

Yikes. You both sound like you should be in a nursery rather than working on one. You have a child, grow up.

DaxDislikesYou · 2025-09-08T13:49:59+00:00

Yes you suck. It's stressful enough assembling furniture with how badly made a lot of it is. Just let him alone to get the task done. You were being obnoxious and then got butthurt when your partner reacted. Stop being a jerk and then getting upset when your partner calls you on it. Annoying is incredibly mild and honest.

throwawayyyy-768 · 2025-09-08T14:02:30+00:00

Honestly, neither of you should be speaking to each other this way. I feel that you sent that initial text without addressing something that happened previously which in turn puts your partner in a negative light without context.

I can understand his frustration. He’s building something with his two bare hands and all you had to say was, “oh and don’t forget XYZ make sure not to make a mistake.” It’s incredibly insulting. You then victimize yourself. Seems like all of the “here comes the attitude and insults” that you aimed at him actually stem from you.

You should self reflect rather than running to playing the victim when your mindless actions trigger a negative response.

Real_Collection_6399 · 2025-09-08T13:28:20+00:00

I’m with the partner here OP, something’s off with you.

Zoey_Beaver · 2025-09-08T13:55:27+00:00

Seems like you came at him, he called u annoying and now you’re harping on the fact he called you annoying when what you did sounds pretty…annoying. Total disregard for his feelings in the conversation.

rbz90 · 2025-09-08T14:03:05+00:00

I'm gonna be honest here. From these texts, it sounds like your partner has a point. You could have said ok I'll keep that in mind and even had the moral high ground if you so choose. Instead you decided to dig in. I get annoyed just reading how you guys text each other.

paranormallor · 2025-09-08T15:12:52+00:00

YOR - Why are your feelings hurt over being called annoying? You are annoying 🤷🏻‍♀️ You essentially belittled what he'd achieved by making a snarky comment. You definitely come off as if you think you're superior to your partner, and start using buzzwords against him instead of accepting that you'd fucked up.

Grow tf up, you're about to be a mother.

Zestyclose_Limit984 · 2025-09-08T13:04:40+00:00

Really hoping you guys treat each other better when the baby arrives. Kid doesn't deserve to grow up around you two being immature children to each other.

MelaninBunne · 2025-09-08T13:35:41+00:00

Tbh i see both sides but i get his. He dropped the nails by accident. I think for him, you saying you’ll be so “disappointed” is what triggered him.

Competitive-Read242 · 2025-09-08T13:44:09+00:00

lowkey though if it’s carpet nails are easily hidden, and yeah that is something to be careful about, but i feel like there’s an argument being made for no reason. like, what are yall REALLY upset about because it’s not a hypothetical nail

No-vem-ber · 2025-09-08T13:59:02+00:00

I feel like the problem is that you're properly bothered by being called annoying, actually?

I feel like it's a fact of life that people will get annoyed by their partners and the people they live with.

I kind of feel like it's a sign of love if I can annoy someone and they can say to me "you're being annoying" and have that not escalate into a fight or anything. It's like they're saying "you're annoying me right now but I still love you and still want you around".

You made a jokey comment about the nail, I guess misjudging the vibe, and it annoyed him instead of making him laugh. I do think he should be able to say (not meanly!) "you're being annoying" and you should be able to go "shit sorry, just a dumb joke! let me help you get those nails".

ShotAspect4930 · 2025-09-08T17:27:08+00:00

What you said was not a "joke". It was a criticism, and you know it. If you're going to try to therapy speak your partner, you have to follow your own little rules. You are completely invalidating how they feel, then complaining that they invalidate how you feel. You both have a communication issue, and yes you are overreacting. Learn how to speak to each other like adults that are comfortable sharing their feelings (you are PARTNERS after all), and don't try to pretend a criticism was a "joke". Start there.

Complex-Bee-4920 · 2025-09-08T13:00:06+00:00

wow, you’re a passive aggressive asshole

MyDirtyAlt79 · 2025-09-08T13:28:27+00:00

Wow, even in the comments pointing out that you hurt your partner first, you blow right past it, and downplay your culpability to focus on you.

Bravo on the absolute lack of accountability.

YOR, flat out apologize for your part in this, both for the original "joke" and dismissal of their feelings, and they should respond in kind.

bizianka · 2025-09-08T12:45:55+00:00

Both of you are assholes to each other. He was working on the nursery, and instead of being glad that work is in progress, you managed to critique it, presenting a hypothetical scenario of finding a nail in your foot. So now you are fighting over whose feelings are hurt first and whose the most.

scrawfrd02 · 2025-09-08T13:55:57+00:00

Damn if I'm building a crip and lost a nail who gives af.. if my wife said anything other than thanks for doing that its awesome I'd be pissed. It means you probably always have something other to say than positive affirmations when he tries to do acts of service.

SnooPeppers2596 · 2025-09-08T14:27:58+00:00

OP, I am not going to condemn your reaction bc I have been where you are. I am going to tell you some hard truths. There’s three ways to handle this & all future problems: 1) Go your separate ways now so you can coparent healthily, 2) Change nothing & raise child/ren in a seriously toxic environment, 3) Put your ego aside, recognize you two have toxic communication, and work toward being better. What this conversation should have looked like was this, “I recognize I made a joke that was hurtful. It was not my intent to hurt you & I am sorry I did.” It sucks that he in turn was hurtful, but you have to first address where the hurt started & expect nothing in return. Later, you can discuss better ways for him to address his hurt, but you can’t do that while apologizing bc it will negate your apology. For years, I did #2. My husband & I are now doing #3. It’s difficult, but our kids resent us both for how we have been handling things all these years. Do better for your kid/s.

TropicalSkysPlants · 2025-09-08T15:49:35+00:00

You sound pretty ugly and intolerable and like this dude probably walks on eggshells just so you wont be ugly pretty often. You should look at yourself, learn to communicate and apologize to your partner and let him know you appreciate the work hes doing. I hope you actually take all these comments into account and don't ignore them while you prance around on your high horse putting down others but more importantly putting down your actual partner in life....

bingle-cowabungle · 2025-09-08T16:41:24+00:00

Dude is manually building a nursery and probably didn't like that the only comment coming from you came off like veiled criticism instead of genuine concern for stepping on a nail

Edit: OP got negative feedback and instantly deleted her account, so take a wild guess how she's going to handle it with her husband lol i vote "doubling down"

lemoncatie · 2025-09-08T13:08:43+00:00

this is such a dumb argument. you're both annoying. what you said wasn't a joke and you're both being overly sensitive about actually nothing. if he hadn't found the nail just go look for it yourself, they make magnets for this exact thing. ESH.

Throwawayaccxxxx_11 · 2025-09-08T14:03:55+00:00

You’re the asshole. He said his feelings that morning about your comment. He is not deflecting or being demeaning. You are toxic. Poor guy and daughter good luck to them cause you’re never thinking of anyone else acting the victim when you’re just hurting everyone else.

alu2795 · 2025-09-08T13:37:52+00:00

You sound equally insufferable. And you most definitely are not “right” so please jump down from that high horse immediately.

You were a dick for making a lost nail that wasn’t about you, and was clearly a mistake, into an issue where there needn’t be one. You were annoying.

Then you were annoyed by being called annoying and tried to use some inaccurate and ineffective therapy speak to one-up your partner.

You both suck. I’m guessing it’s a high stress time right now. You both need to be kinder, more patient, and more team focused - it’s you two against the world. Never against each other.

It doesn’t matter in any way, at all, ever, to anyone, if you are “right”. Focusing on that is immature and a little pathetic. Focus on being a good partner and parent.

DeliciousAd3692 · 2025-09-08T13:37:38+00:00

Both of you are in the wrong. This seems like a petty argument. We all have them, just squash it.

DistanceImpressive77 · 2025-09-08T17:03:57+00:00

JFC. I am so tired of seeing these misinterpreted text conversations written by 2 people who can’t seem to get on the same page with each other communication-wise that get blown out of proportion. The readers only get a brief snapshot of what the hell is going on in the relationship and then form uninformed opinions from this creating more confusion. PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE AND JUST CALL YOUR SPOUSE OR S.O., FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. Argue/debate it out like adults. Texting each other like fucking high school sophomores speaks volumes about the maturity of this couple and 90% of the BS posted here where people put up screenshots of their arguments says the same. So many people wonder why relationships/dating is “just so hard” these days. Wah wah wah. Here’s some free advice- deal with people face to face, or at least while speaking to them, not typing at them. I’m glad I actually possess the elementary social skills to walk out in public, meet people face to face and form relationships, find new friends, get dates, etc. These little “smart” boxes everyone carries around seemingly for survival are just self-imposed leashes.

Also, blocking people on your phone is 99% a chickenshit move. If someone won’t leave you alone, mute the notifications, and never respond. Let the other party drive themselves insane and burn themselves out spending all their energy on TEXTING someone relentlessly lol. Blocking someone is the equivalent of covering your eyes and telling the person standing in front of you that you have problems with, “I can’t see you; therefore, you don’t exist”. It also btw encourages more immature, irrational behavior from them, thus prolonging the agony of the situation.

r_person · 2025-09-08T16:33:41+00:00

YOR and you come across as an asshole. Belittling and condescending. Do better or start preparing to share custody.

Your partner here sounds like someone at the end of their tether. I get the vibe this is the tip of the iceberg. They won’t tolerate it forever. Communicate better and respect your partner. I feel sorry for the man bringing a child into the world and contending with you. You’ve been told countless times here in the comments, rather than arguing those too, maybe learn a lesson and do better? Some self reflection? Apologies?

Question, if you got the affirmation you came here looking for, would you have presented that to your partner to bolster your position? Will you now show him what people have said here? I very much doubt it.

geoj88 · 2025-09-08T13:04:19+00:00

You’re both in the wrong here, OP. The nail comment wasn’t necessary - if I had made a simple mistake and WAS working towards correcting the mistake, I’d be unbelievably hurt if my partner made a joke that wasn’t necessarily a joke; but rather re-enforcing that I better correct my mistake that I was already working towards correcting. He was fixing the mistake. Why mock him more for it? It seems cruel. This now has him on the defensive which is illustrated in his messages. He wasn’t kind here, there’s no doubt of that, but neither were you. You can’t expect him to provide you an apology when you won’t either. You both hurt each other. When you hurt someone you love, even if not intentional, you apologize because why would you ever want to hurt someone you love. You both need to re-evaluate your relationship because this just seems childish.

OhDestinedJuan · 2025-09-08T13:26:24+00:00

OP is a narcissist.

RelevantHighway9223 · 2025-09-08T13:48:49+00:00

Sometimes what I have learned with my husband is to sometimes keep things to yourself that’s not positive. Your partner was building the baby crib which your partner might’ve never done before so he or she was probably figuring it out, frustrated with the many pieces, and tired. I totally get how you feel and you have every right, but that’s where I am still learning to try to be positive and bite tongue for certain things in the MOMENT. In your case your partner was building the crib so in that moment saying I’ll be disappointed may hurt him or her bc they don’t want to do that to you and they reacted the way they did by saying annoying because their probably frustrated with the task at hand.

I think apologizing and recognizing their feelings is good start and after that I think saying to your partner being called annoying also hurt and maybe your partner will apologize too. Communication is a huge key especially with little one arriving.

Good luck! If you do read my comment please don’t get up set about the comments on your post. You are pregnant and definitely do not want you stressed. Your baby should be top priority!

PanickedAntics · 2025-09-08T13:54:02+00:00

Seems like a really great environment to bring a baby into.

UmbraNight · 2025-09-08T13:35:46+00:00

imma assume youre both stressed out from the child and thats why this communication sucked so much ass. if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything. enough stress with a baby

2025-09-08T13:38:04+00:00

Yall both lame

No_Surround8946 · 2025-09-08T13:51:23+00:00

Oh wtf, I thought you were the person who dropped the nails.

Turns out, you’re the jerk in the text messages

ihavebeefwithreddit · 2025-09-08T13:59:02+00:00

You both are more concerned with being in the right/being heard than what your partner is saying/feeling. Seems like bad communication on both parts, I can imagine there is a lot of stress with a baby on the way. I think you both should go to couples counseling to work on communication and validation.

Maleficent-Clerk8635 · 2025-09-08T13:59:47+00:00

Ultimately, you were both being passive aggressive and hurtful. It would probably be helpful to work on ways to communicate concerns in a way that’s clear and respectful.

2025-09-08T14:02:37+00:00

How about a good job thanks for sorting the nursery, did you even thank him?. I don't agree with how he is speaking to you but you technically pissed him off and now its spiralled.

SnackxQueen · 2025-09-08T14:04:07+00:00

u both acting like 14y olds lol, don't let people gaslight u into thinking a joke warrants all that behavior from your partner but then again if u are doing this all the time then u might need to check urself

Eltipofuerte · 2025-09-08T14:49:54+00:00

90% of comments: YTA

OP: not i dont think so.
lol. why even ask?

AdMedical9986 · 2025-09-08T15:10:33+00:00

its funny reading these comments OP is replying to people with the same shitty attitude she used towards her husband. Obviously this is who you are OP. Feel sorry for that man now trapped with you because of a upcoming child. Poor dude.

cherrrykiwii · 2025-09-08T15:29:58+00:00

he dropped a nail. everyone drops things. someone making a smart ass comment to me bright and early in the morning would probably get me to call them annoying too. you made a rude remark to him, he made a rude remark back, and you're expecting an apology without apologizing for snapping at him yourself. come on now

SpaceCasei995 · 2025-09-08T16:34:43+00:00

I don’t understand why either one of you think that it’s okay to talk to each other the way that you are. You are both avoiding accountability, defensive, and mean. You both overreacted and you need to work on your communication skills.

Complex-Ganache-6332 · 2025-09-08T16:42:59+00:00

Honestly, I wouldn't have taken that as a joke, even if you were laughing. As someone who just had a baby, and as a woman and watching my husband. There is alot of stress, especially if he's the one trying to set things up. Your joke will feel like your lying(and it does to me) and youre being serious with your statement. I've dealt with alot of people who makes these "jokes", and they are rarely jokes. Then, reading your text makes me more inclined to feel you were not joking. Yes, it's annoying and honestly bullshit. If my husband talks to me like I see in this text, I would have you sleeping on the sofa. You are very negative and coming off narcissistic. I don't care what anyone else says, I feel you're in the wrong.

Thefattestbeagle · 2025-09-08T16:52:03+00:00

Op talks just like my ex and it made me happy im not longer with them "ugghh i guess IMMMM always the asshole huh, im sooo horrible?"

Ugh shut up, yes you are.

mayor_of_silly_town · 2025-09-08T16:54:04+00:00

u/[deleted] hahahaha

grave_hearts · 2025-09-08T17:47:45+00:00

Did they just straight up delete their account bc no one was on their side??

Unicorn_Fruit · 2025-09-08T17:51:58+00:00

Yes, you’re OR. Did your partner drop the nails on purpose so you’d step on them? The comment you made initially doesn’t come across as a “joke”, but more of a critique of your partner’s ability to do things properly and safely. Your partner overreacted by mimicking you. BUT you completely ignore how YOUR comment was received. Instead, you doubled down and took zero responsibility and accountability for the impact your words had. You didn’t ask, but YTAH.

Spicyyy-Stew · 2025-09-09T04:18:17+00:00

Yall need therapy to learn how to effectively communicate.

Your comment was unnecessary and a little mean. So it would be said that you started this. “Oops I hope you find them all” would have been nicer. He seems to feel you are unappreciative of what he does. You need to apologize first because he tried to raise the issue with you and you made it the disrespect Olympics.

Mocking you and him calling names is unacceptable too. “You are annoying.” “You are a dick.” Is not an acceptable way to speak to your partner.

If I’m honest, I’m less bothered by the way you texted him. Your comments are about the way he acted, his are a direct attack on who you are. If he had handled it in an emotionally regulated way, i think this would have been more constructive. However, YOU are the one who escalated.

AmIOverreacting

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