This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

30.7k
30.7k

OCHow heterosexual couples met [OC] (i.redd.it)

submitted by WorldlyWeb

top 200 commentsshow 500
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a

[–]WorldlyWeb[S] 6513 points6514 points  (263 children)

I've seen charts like this before, but they've all had a big error in them, so I went back to the original data source (which was pretty messy) to find the truth.

In the past, this chart has been shown with the category "bar or restaurant" rising since 2000β€”the only category rising in addition to "met online". But the authors noted in their original study that:

[The chart's] apparent post-2010 rise in meeting through bars and restaurants for heterosexual couples is due entirely to couples who met online and subsequently had a first in-person meeting at a bar or restaurant or other establishment where people gather and socialize. If we exclude the couples who first met online from the bar/restaurant category, the bar/restaurant category was significantly declining after 1995 as a venue for heterosexual couples to meet.

Well, I dug up the original dataset to find out the real story.

As far as I know, this is the first time someone has ever shown this chart where the "bar & restaurant" category has been corrected to not include people who first met online, and then met up for drinks or coffee.

[–]taste-like-burning 2727 points2728 points  (53 children)

Wow that's a crazy oversight in data interpretation, glad you fixed it 😊

[–]Ruck_Feddit_42612 1141 points1142 points  (46 children)

Low stakes conspiracy- It's not an oversight, it's a deliberate manipulation of the data by Big Hospitality

[–]Cthepo 328 points329 points  (19 children)

It's not even a conspiracy. I'm staying at a hotel with a bar right now and have proof.

There's someone knocking at my door, and after I answer it I'll come back and edit this exposing them all.

[–]SamVimesThe1st 133 points134 points  (7 children)

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I'm the manager of the hotel Cthepo was staying in. I unfortunately have to inform you that today he tripped and fell in his room and hit his head so hard he passed.

Anyway, we all here at the Big Hospitality Hotel hope you have a pleasant stay on Reddit.

Sincerely,

Manny Manager

[–]Crow_eggs 28 points29 points  (3 children)

He did, however, get laid before he hit the floor.

[–]SamVimesThe1st 15 points16 points  (2 children)

You should talk to the relevant authorities if you have any knowledge about the case. Unfortunately, here at the Big Hospitality Hotel no one has seen anything as everybody was busy doing jobs at least three floors away and there was an electric/security camera outage on the respective floor at the time.

load more comments (3 replies)

    [–]HistoricalLinguistic 37 points38 points  (10 children)

    ….. did you survive??

    [–]QuantumTaco1 21 points22 points  (6 children)

    .. I'm getting the popcorn ready. This thread's about to turn into a real-life mystery thriller, isn't it? Can't wait for the hotel bar exposΓ©!

    [–]electronicdream 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    They made another comment on another subreddit later on.

    That means the person at the door asked them nicely to not expose the conspiracy.

    load more comments (2 replies)

      [–]taste-like-burning 31 points32 points  (0 children)

      Fuck I love this so much lmao

      load more comments (25 replies)

        [–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (3 children)

        I wonder if it was an oversight on the person who answered the survey, or just a reluctance to admit that they used a dating app to meet their spouse. I think some people might still look down on that to some degree, which might influence how they answer, and if they met at a bar or restaurant for their first in person meeting, they might offer that up instead to make it appear more organic?

        I could be grasping at straws here too though.

        [–]Bugbread 50 points51 points  (0 children)

        It couldn't be that, because the very reason we know the graphs were wrong is precisely because the people who took the survey answered that they met each other online first. That's our starting point -- people answered a survey and indicated that they met online first, but then other people who made graphs based on the data did not properly reflect that in their graphs.

        load more comments (2 replies)

          load more comments (2 replies)

            [–]protestor 241 points242 points  (46 children)

            It's crazy how few couples meet through college, over the whole time series. I would think that packing young adults in a campus would yield better results

            [–]Fattswindstorm 221 points222 points  (15 children)

            It’s probably tied up with met through friends/bar/online. Like college is a time in life. A chunk Is in class, other chunk outside of class. How would you classify meeting the cute girl from chemistry class because she was friends and a friend. On one hand she was in your chemistry class. On the other hand your friends introduced you. You knew who she was but you didn’t know her. Similarly, how would you classify meeting the cute girl from chemistry when you went up to her in the bar and said β€œhey you’re in my chemistry class. Can I buy you a beer?”

            [–]Bassie_c 78 points79 points  (8 children)

            And what if you met during Covid and your relationship started with a video call about a boring team project on Microsoft Teams πŸ₯΄

            [–]ReggieCousins 47 points48 points  (4 children)

            Well then just get the divorce papers ready now. Studies show that relationships that began during Covid, on Microsoft Teams, never last more than a few decades.

            [–]Lowelll 64 points65 points  (2 children)

            There hasn't been a single one that even lasted more than 4 years so far.

            load more comments (1 reply)

              load more comments (3 replies)

                [–]DoctorLazerRage 14 points15 points  (1 child)

                You literally described how I met my wife and I would say college.

                [–]AnRealDinosaur 6 points7 points  (2 children)

                Good point because I initially had the same thought. You're more likely gonna meet them through hanging out with other people you meet or at social events while in college. The more I think about this chart the further from actual life it seems. Like, I would say I met my partner through our mutual friend group, but I talked to him online before I met him in person. So how would that be categorized here? It feels like "online" should mean a dating service or game or something where the person starts off as a complete stranger.

                load more comments (1 reply)

                  [–]Tripticket 53 points54 points  (2 children)

                  People get married regardless of education, but less than 40% of Americans have university degrees. This data seems to support the notion that it's quite common for people who attend university to meet their partner there.

                  Depending on how the study was conducted, some participants might also have attended the same institution of learning when they met, but if they met in a bar they might opt for that answer instead.

                  [–]No-Lunch4249 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                  Yeah seconded, that would suggest that roughly 1 in 4 people who graduated college also left with a future spouse before the massive rise of online dating, and that also doesn’t even take into account the possible overlap between β€œthrough friends” or β€œat a bar”

                  load more comments (1 reply)

                    [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

                    I met my wife in college, but I'd probably characterize it as "through friends" rather than "through college" for the poll. The two categories aren't mutually exclusive: There's a lot of overlap there.

                    load more comments (25 replies)

                      [–]tzt1324 102 points103 points  (70 children)

                      Really nice. I would like to know how else people meet after they met online besides bar and restaurant.

                      [–]ChrisMelb 92 points93 points  (48 children)

                      My best 3 guesses

                      House

                      Picnic

                      Bush walk /hiking

                      [–]JUST_CRUSH_MY_FACE 61 points62 points  (30 children)

                      That’s 5 guesses but I don’t know what a bush date is.

                      [–]Naresr 77 points78 points  (17 children)

                      you never plan to meet someone in a bush?

                      [–]Bimlouhay83 44 points45 points  (12 children)

                      A bush? You mean, like a shrubbery?

                      [–]flowerbird1000 39 points40 points  (8 children)

                      Yes. Bring me a shrubbery! One that looks nice.

                      load more comments (3 replies)

                        load more comments (4 replies)

                          [–]uqde 35 points36 points  (7 children)

                          Bush is Australian and New Zealand slang for wilderness, basically. I’m assuming the person above you is from one of those two countries

                          load more comments (4 replies)

                            load more comments (17 replies)

                              load more comments (14 replies)

                                [–]26KermyOC: 1 37 points38 points  (1 child)

                                So what's the split between "met online" and "met in-person"? Is it 60/40 now?

                                [–]Loose-Veterinarian 54 points55 points  (16 children)

                                But isn’t there also the same problem for other categories? To me, none of these categories seem mutually exclusive. For example, my brother has met his girlfriend in a bar because she was a friend of his friends. A friend of mine has met his gf in a bar, but they’re from the same college. Another friend of mine knows his girlfriend since high school but they first got romantic in college.

                                So isn’t the whole problem that your describing about online vs bar also the same for other categories; that β€˜how couples meet’ can both be interpreted as β€˜what was the first point of contact’ and as β€˜how did we get a relationship’?

                                [–]jamalfromthestore 98 points99 points  (6 children)

                                I think in alot of these scenarios one link supersedes the other.

                                Meeting a friend of a friend at a bar would be the β€œfriend of a friend” because the strongest connection between them was the friends not just being in a bar.

                                Meeting a girl at a bar from the same college would just be β€œbar”, because the college, while a shared talking point, wasn’t what caused them to meet.

                                [–]linerva 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                                I agree with this. There's always going to be one main thing. If you got chatting in a bar without knowing you were friends if a friend or at the same college, that's an irrelevant bonus.

                                I met my husband via an app. It turns out that one of his friends is friends with a colkeague/friend of mine...but we would never have met through friends.

                                load more comments (5 replies)

                                  load more comments (9 replies)

                                    load more comments (72 replies)

                                      [–]A_Wholesome_Comment 1138 points1139 points  (48 children)

                                      Huh. There's a couple out there who were the first to meet online. Pioneers really.

                                      [–]djokster91 278 points279 points  (14 children)

                                      And they will never know

                                      [–]ibringthehotpockets 193 points194 points  (9 children)

                                      Honestly they probably have a pretty good idea

                                      load more comments (4 replies)

                                        [–]Claystead 209 points210 points  (10 children)

                                        And they were probably either military personnel or extreme nerds.

                                        [–]rick-james-biatch 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                                        Yes, and their offspring is a redditor and in here in the comments:

                                        https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/18h7k9g/comment/kd5sh9a/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3

                                        load more comments (21 replies)

                                          [–]onelittleworld 3002 points3003 points  (256 children)

                                          The last time I went on a first date was in 1986. I really, really hope I never have to figure this shit out again.

                                          [–]SchleftySchloe 1121 points1122 points  (165 children)

                                          Yeah I became unexpectedly single at 30 and was partnered for 8 years before that and holy shit it's hopeless. 3 years into being single now and I have zero hope of finding a partner in today's dating climate.

                                          [–]Ms_Strange 494 points495 points  (88 children)

                                          I hear ya. My 8 year relationship fell apart in 2012. I tried online dating, and went on a few very unsuccessful dates, and the trend of online dating just kept giving shittier & shittier results. My last date was in late 2014 and I've been single this whole time since.

                                          It sucks sometimes, but I've just decided that I'm gonna do what I want to do. And it's kinda nice sometimes to just up and go without having to consult a partner. But I do miss having a special person to share life with, sometimes.

                                          [–]SchleftySchloe 271 points272 points  (27 children)

                                          I miss having someone to split rent with lol. And buying a house by yourself isn't possible at all.

                                          [–]Ms_Strange 115 points116 points  (2 children)

                                          I agree. I feel so badly for people that can't get themselves into a house of their own, through no fault of their own.

                                          I feel lucky because that housing crash in 2008, sucked for so many people, but for me, I was able to get a house due to the falling prices at the time and managed to find one and close on it just before the first- time homebuyer tax credit ended.

                                          load more comments (24 replies)

                                            [–]lislejoyeuseOC: 1 58 points59 points  (39 children)

                                            Oof I'm 3 years past the breakup in a similar situation and this isn't encouraging. But yeah I'm getting to the point of questioning if it's really worth all this damn effort.

                                            [–]Ms_Strange 98 points99 points  (21 children)

                                            At this point, I figure that I'll just keep interacting and talking to people I meet IRL and if I meet anyone interesting, it's going to happen that way.

                                            I went hiking a few weeks back, out of state. And started talking to this random dude about the trail. It was a pleasant conversation, and we discovered we'd both hiked Jefferson Rock (which is in a total 'nother state).

                                            If we'd both lived in that state, I would've asked him if he would be interested in coffee sometime in the next two weeks.

                                            Dude wasn't bad looking, he was interesting, and we had a pleasant conversation on the trail. And he was obviously enjoying hiking.

                                            At this point, that's pretty much how I think I'm gonna find someone, if it's meant to be.

                                            [–]Skrappyross 25 points26 points  (6 children)

                                            Mutual hobbies (like hiking) is a great place to meet partners! I've been online dating forever but never had anything good come out of it. My current partner I met at a social meetup for pokΓ©mon go players a couple years ago.

                                            [–]lislejoyeuseOC: 1 37 points38 points  (3 children)

                                            that's kind of how I'm leaning but also acknowledge that apps are the way to force it. I mean, out of my 6 closest friends, half of them met their SO's on bumble lol. the others were like HS/early college sweethearts that never broke up (bastards hahaha). at least you were open to talking to randos! maybe I should get out and do more stuff alone.

                                            [–]linerva 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                                            Apps just give you more opportunities to meet people with similar interests. I know a fair few people who ended up dating or married to z friend from college. But pretty much anyone I know who wasnt that lucky has met their partner online, myself included.

                                            It isn't an easy process but the numbers suggest that it works for a lot of people, and has done for some time.

                                            Talking to people you share interests with IRL is also a great idea, but it never hurts to put your eggs in more than one basket. Most of us just dont meet that many strangers to rely on bumping into dateable people casually.

                                            load more comments (2 replies)

                                              load more comments (10 replies)

                                                load more comments (17 replies)

                                                  load more comments (20 replies)

                                                    [–]AbstractBettaFish 52 points53 points  (15 children)

                                                    I swear the online dating algorithm has decided that I’m worthless after turning 30. I was on and off in my 20’s and I had my moments but the second that odometer turned over to 30 everything just completely dried up. Guess I’ll just be single forever!

                                                    [–]RazekDPP 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                                                    I do feel like dating is a lot like musical chairs.

                                                    You have your cohort of eligible people and the good partners generally get partnered up early. The longer the dance goes, the fewer eligible good partners there are.

                                                    As time goes on, you simply run out of eligible partners.

                                                    Personally, I'm simply not interested in dating someone with kid(s) and I don't want kids, so that quickly clears out the possibilities.

                                                    load more comments (14 replies)

                                                      load more comments (60 replies)

                                                        [–]360walkaway 79 points80 points  (31 children)

                                                        SAME. Haven't been on a date since 2010... I've heard all kinds of psycho stories about Tinder and Match and whatever.

                                                        [–]thePedrix 90 points91 points  (19 children)

                                                        2012 here. Never had to download Tinder or Roblox or whatever these kids are using nowadays πŸ™πŸΌ

                                                        [–]360walkaway 135 points136 points  (12 children)

                                                        Err maybe you shouldn't be using Roblox to find a date.

                                                        [–]ggtsu_00 37 points38 points  (0 children)

                                                        Maybe try Predator: Hunting Grounds

                                                        load more comments (11 replies)

                                                          load more comments (6 replies)

                                                            load more comments (11 replies)

                                                              load more comments (58 replies)

                                                                [–]PHD_Memer 1650 points1651 points  (95 children)

                                                                Guys ima just come out and say idk if we are healthily socializing anymore

                                                                [–]BrutalSwede 531 points532 points  (20 children)

                                                                We absolutely aren't

                                                                [–][deleted] 217 points218 points  (13 children)

                                                                On a personal level it’s absurd to think about: I’m an introvert, who dealt with crippling social anxiety and depression.

                                                                I like gaming, and messing around on my computer (photo/video editing). If I do explore my hobbies outside, they’re basically all solo activities.

                                                                I’m sure 9/10 people who met me would assume if I ever went on a date it would have been through a dating app or meeting someone online…

                                                                Yet they’d all be wrong: my girlfriend found me at the gym, and if she hadn’t asked for my number I’d probably still be single.

                                                                [–]_StayKeen_ 111 points112 points  (1 child)

                                                                There it is boys. To the gym!

                                                                [–]Klimbrick 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                                                                Be safe out there

                                                                load more comments (11 replies)

                                                                  load more comments (6 replies)

                                                                    [–][deleted] 233 points234 points  (9 children)

                                                                    we all made fun of japan and then became japan but on steroids

                                                                    [–]babydakis 60 points61 points  (1 child)

                                                                    Jokes on you; I was Japanese and using steroids topically.

                                                                    load more comments (7 replies)

                                                                      [–]papyjako87 103 points104 points  (2 children)

                                                                      Not gonna lie, discussing the terminally online state of our society on reddit is peak irony.

                                                                      [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

                                                                      Well we sure ain't gonna meet up at a bar to talk about it, according to the numbers.

                                                                      load more comments (1 reply)

                                                                        [–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (6 children)

                                                                        I think you are absolutely correct

                                                                        [–]WhuddaWhat 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                                                                        I don't even think we are "we" anymore. We are "I"'s bumping around.

                                                                        [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                                                                        Yea my first thought is how the β€œmet through friends” is the big drop.

                                                                        It’s safe to assume you just have less people socializing as groups, inviting new people into those groups, and just general fraternizing

                                                                        load more comments (52 replies)

                                                                          [–]Purrito-MD 1519 points1520 points  (146 children)

                                                                          This is actually really freaky. For the first time in human history totally unrelated people and social circles are blending together because of the Internet, but not just the Internet and pure random chance, mathematical probabilities determined by corporations. It’s really bizarre. It’s like probabilistic arranged marriage.

                                                                          [–]whackberry 569 points570 points  (34 children)

                                                                          Not corporations. One company. Match Group LLC. A monopoly.

                                                                          [–]MoreGaghPlease[🍰] 588 points589 points  (29 children)

                                                                          Kinda. They own a lot of the large general platforms (Tinder, Hinge, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OkCupie). Probably the biggest non-speciality one that they don’t own is Bumble. Bumble is actually owned by a not-for-profit collective that reinvests 100% of the bahahaha just kidding, they’re owned by Blackstone.

                                                                          There are a large number of specialty dating sites that they don’t own, everything from JDate to FarmersOnly. Most of these are PE-owned too just by different companies (though a few like Grindr are publicly traded companies).

                                                                          [–][deleted] 211 points212 points  (1 child)

                                                                          You got me good ngl

                                                                          [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

                                                                          work worm slim toy dull jellyfish sip materialistic melodic marry

                                                                          This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

                                                                          [–]garlic_bread_thief 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                                                                          So if I buy bumble stocks I just get premium membership

                                                                          load more comments (25 replies)

                                                                            load more comments (4 replies)

                                                                              [–]wheresmymeatballgone 260 points261 points  (33 children)

                                                                              Kind of fucked one of the most basic forms of human social interaction is quickly becoming the play thing of a corporation. What do we even really have left that isn't processed through some profit focused bullshit.

                                                                              [–]kingdave204 155 points156 points  (7 children)

                                                                              Throwing a rock really high so it makes that pluup noise when it hits the water.

                                                                              [–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (3 children)

                                                                              Pay $2.99 to hear the satisfying 'plup' made when it hits the bottom

                                                                              [–]Less-Leave-5519 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                                                                              They took all the trees and put them in a tree-museum

                                                                              load more comments (2 replies)

                                                                                load more comments (3 replies)

                                                                                  [–]Strottman 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                                                                                  Pretty soon we're going to get real time AI autocomplete for verbal conversations and then we're all literally corporate drones

                                                                                  load more comments (24 replies)

                                                                                    [–]-Allot- 128 points129 points  (16 children)

                                                                                    And most of those calculations aren’t optimised to create a happy couple but rather have incentive to keep people on the platform.

                                                                                    load more comments (60 replies)

                                                                                      [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 679 points680 points  (32 children)

                                                                                      Data source: How couples meet and stay together, a long-running national US phone survey with key releases in 2009 and 2017 and follow-ups in 2010, 2011, 2013, 2020, and 2022.

                                                                                      Tools used: Excel

                                                                                      [–]Thr0w-a-gay 556 points557 points  (72 children)

                                                                                      Who the hell was meeting people online in the 80s

                                                                                      [–]Canadian47 226 points227 points  (14 children)

                                                                                      My mother/father in law met though a computer dating service (program?) in 1967 or 68. I think it was someones grad school project and was probably on punch cards.

                                                                                      [–]noreal1sm 90 points91 points  (3 children)

                                                                                      60’s Tinder?

                                                                                      This is wild.

                                                                                      [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (4 children)

                                                                                      punch cards.

                                                                                      My dad an uncle always talk about the dark ages and how you weren't really a computer programmer unless you dropped your stack on the way to the machine at least once.

                                                                                      [–]Canadian47 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                                                                                      I was told they would take a black marker and make a diagonal line across the stack of cards. If you drop them you can use the line to help sort them.

                                                                                      load more comments (3 replies)

                                                                                        load more comments (5 replies)

                                                                                          [–]38B0DE 354 points355 points  (17 children)

                                                                                          Small book store owners and their mega corp book store counterparts.

                                                                                          [–]Han-ChewieSexyFanfic 70 points71 points  (2 children)

                                                                                          You underestimate how quickly people will apply new technologies to get laid.

                                                                                          [–]PM_ME_ANYTHING_DAMN 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                                                                                          You’re just jealous I’ve been chatting online with babes all day

                                                                                          [–]transemacabre 24 points25 points  (0 children)

                                                                                          Mega nerds.

                                                                                          [–]IridescentExplosion 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                                                                                          There were the oldschool message boards and if you have a subscription service to one of the community internet programs you could post on them. There were basically oldschool versions of Craigslist on these programs.

                                                                                          I didn't know about it until recently as well and it's kind of mind-blowing:

                                                                                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szdbKz5CyhA

                                                                                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb7te_HZyiA

                                                                                          There are other examples if you search 80's internet or BBS on youtube.

                                                                                          load more comments (33 replies)

                                                                                            [–]OneSweet1Sweet 969 points970 points  (18 children)

                                                                                            So we're all just gonna ignore the fact the graph looks like a whale

                                                                                            [–]N0nsensicalRamblings 203 points204 points  (2 children)

                                                                                            Thank you for pointing this out and making me go back and look. My day is 2% better now

                                                                                            load more comments (15 replies)

                                                                                              [–]1TillMidNight 1978 points1979 points  (451 children)

                                                                                              "Yeah online dating sucks for men, why don't you go out and meet someone IRL".

                                                                                              [–]Count_Rugens_Finger 655 points656 points  (116 children)

                                                                                              someone IRL

                                                                                              [–]SlAM133 141 points142 points  (0 children)

                                                                                              This β€˜Stock image of Young Woman’ works for online dating as well

                                                                                              [–]WhizzlePizzle 127 points128 points  (56 children)

                                                                                              Yes. So true. I used to meet people all the time in the gym. Now everyone has their fucking smartphones on and that puts an end to it.

                                                                                              That said, I meet tons of people IRL. I just think the younger generation is so accustomed to being online, they just cannot communicate very well.

                                                                                              [–]MoffKalast 124 points125 points  (9 children)

                                                                                              they just cannot communicate very well

                                                                                              Ahem, excuse me?! We send TCP packets perfectly well.

                                                                                              [–]ReisBayer 45 points46 points  (3 children)

                                                                                              and even UDP works well, we just dont know if the reciever gets it.

                                                                                              load more comments (5 replies)

                                                                                                [–]RoundCollection4196 42 points43 points  (9 children)

                                                                                                I've met many young people with good social skills that I envy and not many with bad social skills. Personally I've never seen any truth to that assertion.

                                                                                                [–]babyninja230 55 points56 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                usually the ones with bad social skills just stay at home

                                                                                                [–]Count_Rugens_Finger 29 points30 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                ... and thus, reddit was born

                                                                                                load more comments (7 replies)

                                                                                                  [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                  Probably because they don’t want to get hit on when they’re working out.

                                                                                                  load more comments (7 replies)

                                                                                                    load more comments (58 replies)

                                                                                                      [–]CaptainStack 210 points211 points  (92 children)

                                                                                                      This bodes really badly for me. I've only ever managed to make it to a date with three people who I've met on a dating app. Only one of those ever made it to a second date. I'm recently single again and I was banking on, "This time it will be different. This time I'm going to focus on meeting people in person, that will work better."

                                                                                                      I really don't know how/why I'm apparently so bad at online dating. But it really feels like I can't make it work and that just kind of dooms me to not meeting anyone.

                                                                                                      [–]Ssometimess_ 65 points66 points  (17 children)

                                                                                                      Consider that because so few people meet in person compared to online, you have much less competition approaching someone in real life!

                                                                                                      [–]CaptainStack 25 points26 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                      That's a good thought. For what it's worth, in the very few approaches I've made in real life, while I haven't yet gotten a confirmed date or long term friend, I have had good interactions and fun evenings. Also some raised eyebrows and awkward conversations but that just kind of comes with the territory I guess.

                                                                                                      load more comments (16 replies)

                                                                                                        [–]Ms_Strange 72 points73 points  (45 children)

                                                                                                        Same. I thought as an adult I'd have an easier time meeting people IRL since adult=you can go where you want/ when you want.

                                                                                                        Turns out that only works if other adults go to those same places, and apparently I'm the odd one out.

                                                                                                        Online dating apps/sites don't work for me, so many wanna fuck? Or rude ass people... ugh.

                                                                                                        [–]FirstTimeWang 14 points15 points  (13 children)

                                                                                                        I mean... I wanna fuck.

                                                                                                        But I want love too...

                                                                                                        [–]Ms_Strange 15 points16 points  (12 children)

                                                                                                        What's crazy to me, is that, about a year or so I was just chatting with some co-workers about relationships and dating, and there were a few younger girls all saying they don't even touch online dating apps and sites cuz it's 1000 dick pics and 999 wanna fuck? requests and if there is anyone worthwhile on there they never see those profiles cuz there's much crap on top.

                                                                                                        And then this one young, like 18-20ish (25max), girl goes, "Well, what do I need a guy for anyways? I can just get a variety of dildos, and if I really want, I can shell out some cash and get a sex machine thing that you attach a dildo to and it'll fuck me."

                                                                                                        And a few of the younger girls were like, "same."

                                                                                                        And I was shocked, not that this train of thought was out there, but that so many of them were agreeing with it and listing the pros of this concept.

                                                                                                        [–]FirstTimeWang 9 points10 points  (10 children)

                                                                                                        Wow, I was kind of under the impression that the fucking machines and crazy dildos were just kind of... camgirl/only fans props.

                                                                                                        But that's such a bleak outlook. Sure I enjoy the mechanics of sex, but I also enjoy the physical and emotional intimacy, making someone I care about feels good, etc.

                                                                                                        [–]Ms_Strange 11 points12 points  (7 children)

                                                                                                        I mean the fleshlights and fuckable female body part imitations have been available for males for a long time now, and it seems like only recently (10-20 years) have the options for females to have fuckable male body part imitations expanded, and tbh, I think the more recent accessibility to these kind of things are giving women additional ways to satisfy themselves when they're not willing for a IRL relationship/fling/one night stand, whatever.

                                                                                                        Some of the pros I was hearing from these younger women were things like... can't get pregnant from it, won't catch STD, don't have to fake orgasms or go without cuz the dude got what he wants and doesn't care that I'm not satisfied.

                                                                                                        Which also kinda... is sad, because a lot of them were like, yeah I want the real thing, but not if the dude isn't gonna reciprocate. They expressed worries such as, I don't wanna have an unwanted pregnancy but not be able to get an abortion. Etc...

                                                                                                        Basically my impression was that they're just sick and tired of being treated like their only value is to provide good sex for dudes, or having to deal with pouty men for not wanting to fuck every time the man does, or just aren't willing to risk pregnancies or STDs in this political climate currently.

                                                                                                        Which, all those feelings are valid. I'm just sad that they've gotten to the point where they aren't seeing good odds of finding a decent guy and are just choosing to opt for a safer route because the hassle of sorting through hundreds of shit men in hopes of finding a good one.

                                                                                                        Because that leads me to my next thought, how many shitty people did our parents and/or grandparents raise, that the number of men out there have gotten to such an imbalance so that the good ones are so outnumbered to the point that women are just like... "forget it. It isn't worth the work I'm putting in to find a decent person?"

                                                                                                        Which kinda then leads me to the thought, "Well damn... you dudes really gotta start cracking down on each other and reprimanding each other when one of y'all do something shitty to women in general."

                                                                                                        I'm not quite this jaded, not as much as my younger cohorts, but damn it does sadden me and makes me worry for my kid's generation and future.

                                                                                                        load more comments (2 replies)

                                                                                                          load more comments (1 reply)

                                                                                                            load more comments (31 replies)

                                                                                                              load more comments (13 replies)

                                                                                                                [–]iGetBuckets3 100 points101 points  (20 children)

                                                                                                                This should be the top comment. If I had a dollar for every time I saw this advice on reddit, I wouldn’t have a problem finding a partner.

                                                                                                                [–]ElGato-TheCat 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                "Yeah online dating sucks for men, why don't you go out and meet someone IRL".

                                                                                                                And then we go out, but there are rules that women have:

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm at work

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm at the gym

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm studying

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm shopping

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm running errands

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me when I'm with my friends

                                                                                                                Don't hit on me

                                                                                                                πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

                                                                                                                load more comments (218 replies)

                                                                                                                  [–]Dismal-Ad160 204 points205 points  (8 children)

                                                                                                                  The quality of friends has really fallen off in the past 20 years.

                                                                                                                  [–]candacebernhard 66 points67 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                  Because friendships take effort

                                                                                                                  [–]Karcinogene 52 points53 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                  Friendship also takes repeatedly interacting with each other in a casual setting.

                                                                                                                  load more comments (1 reply)

                                                                                                                    load more comments (2 replies)

                                                                                                                      [–]Gone_Mads 408 points409 points  (30 children)

                                                                                                                      You guys are meeting people?

                                                                                                                      [–]mochafiend 903 points904 points  (119 children)

                                                                                                                      I can’t believe this is real. Not questioning OP, just… wow. I know of so few couples who actually met online. Most met in college/grad school or through friends. Wild.

                                                                                                                      [–]BJJJourney 151 points152 points  (12 children)

                                                                                                                      Lots of people are actually embarrassed to admit they met online. Wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of those people did meet online but say college so it seems much more natural in a conversation.

                                                                                                                      [–]_JosiahBartlet 44 points45 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                      I’m in my late 20s and I feel like starting when I was in college, essentially everyone I knew was on the apps at one point or another.

                                                                                                                      There definitely has been stigma against couples that met online, but I feel like it’s dying rapidly and is essentially obsolete in younger generations. Even the folks I know that met their partners online still did do the apps beforehand.

                                                                                                                      It’s so mundane that online dating woes make for water cooler talk among some of my coworkers lol

                                                                                                                      load more comments (11 replies)

                                                                                                                        [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 657 points658 points  (26 children)

                                                                                                                        I also thought college was low. But you have to keep in mind that just 30% of Americans go to college at all(!). So the fact that, as recently as 2000, 10% of people used to meet their spouse in college, means that 1 in 3 people who went to college met their partner there!

                                                                                                                        But more recently, meeting irl seems to have been outcompeted by meeting online, and it's not even close.

                                                                                                                        [–]personAAA 114 points115 points  (7 children)

                                                                                                                        No, way more enroll in higher ed after high school than that.

                                                                                                                        https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cpa

                                                                                                                        Edit. Needed a comma.

                                                                                                                        [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 99 points100 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                        Oooh, super interesting, I hadn't realized that. Maybe it's just 30% of US that graduates from college?

                                                                                                                        [–]personAAA 68 points69 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                        You can look at all adults over age 25. However, that will be off due to lower college enrollment numbers for older generations.

                                                                                                                        Much better metric is educational achievement for adults ages 25 to 29.

                                                                                                                        https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/caa/young-adult-attainment

                                                                                                                        Figures 3 and 5

                                                                                                                        Nowadays for 25 to 29 year olds, 40% have a BA or better. It was 30% in 2010.

                                                                                                                        load more comments (1 reply)

                                                                                                                          load more comments (18 replies)

                                                                                                                            load more comments (38 replies)

                                                                                                                              [–]rug1998 348 points349 points  (102 children)

                                                                                                                              I’m so lucky my wife hit on me that night at a bar. Otherwise I’d be struggling to navigate the world of online dating.

                                                                                                                              [–]Ohlini 164 points165 points  (98 children)

                                                                                                                              You’re lucky. Its awful.

                                                                                                                              [–]Pablo_Sanchez1 76 points77 points  (89 children)

                                                                                                                              Yeah I’m just baffled by this graph. I’m going to sound like a complete douchebag here but we’re on an anonymous app and I’d never say this in real life so fuck it. But I’m attractive, put together, extroverted, easy to talk to, have a good job, have quality pictures and put a lot of time and effort into experimenting with my profile on literally every single app. Tinder, bumble, hinge, okcupid, even fucking Facebook dating out of desperation. I get like maybe one match per month. I’ll sometimes sit there just mass swiping right until I’m out of likes and get literally zero.

                                                                                                                              Online dating is just not an option for me for me at this point and I’ve completely given up altogether. I don’t get it. It’s been so insanely hard meeting people in real life out and about and this post just gave me a real sinking, depressed feeling.

                                                                                                                              [–]GallopingFinger 122 points123 points  (31 children)

                                                                                                                              Do you know why this is?

                                                                                                                              I’m a software engineer, so I feel a bit qualified to comment on this. These algorithms are designed to keep people consuming the product. They make money through ad views and subscriptions.

                                                                                                                              If the software successfully finds a match for you, which, by the way, is quite easy to do algorithmically, how much money will they make? Will you continue using the app?

                                                                                                                              The answer is none, and no. Therefore, these algorithms in relation to dating are predatory. They intentionally keep the β€œright” match from you the majority of the time. This allows them to generate more revenue.

                                                                                                                              [–]ThisTheWorstGameEver 59 points60 points  (5 children)

                                                                                                                              All of the dating apps operate on the same predatory mechanism that slot machines do.

                                                                                                                              What we need is a dating app that encourages you to donate after-the-fact if you actually wind up going out on a date. You know, because you want to thank the app for actually helping you get a date. Instead of dangling the chance of dates in front of you for a fucking subscription.

                                                                                                                              [–]BatmaNanaBanana 26 points27 points  (8 children)

                                                                                                                              this is so hearbreaking to hear but it makes sense.

                                                                                                                              if i may ask what does it mean about those who do end up getting along? does the app once in a while gives you the right match or does it just happen that you get along with someone the app didnt expect you to get along with?

                                                                                                                              and thank you in advance!

                                                                                                                              [–]thelastskier 18 points19 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                              Maybe, I feel like there also have to be success stories related to dating apps, so that the word of mouth of them being at least somewhat useful persists?

                                                                                                                              But yeah, if you're just mindlessly swiping right, you're also going to open every ad there is and you're going to generate clicks that the app can show to the advertisers. So why would they even try to help you stop doing that?

                                                                                                                              load more comments (5 replies)

                                                                                                                                load more comments (16 replies)

                                                                                                                                  load more comments (57 replies)

                                                                                                                                    load more comments (8 replies)

                                                                                                                                      load more comments (3 replies)

                                                                                                                                        [–]DeusKether 400 points401 points  (37 children)

                                                                                                                                        Is r/depressingdata a thing yet? this and ye olde one billion jobs application yet no positive responses would kinda fit.

                                                                                                                                        [–]MoffKalast 29 points30 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                        Maybe there should be a r/nondepressingdata instead, after all most data is depressing in this day and age. I mean when was the last time there was a graph for anything society related that says "things are getting better"?

                                                                                                                                        load more comments (35 replies)

                                                                                                                                          [–]Vin-Metal 217 points218 points  (95 children)

                                                                                                                                          This concerns me - it’s such a radical shift that I wonder if there are societal ramifications that might be not so good

                                                                                                                                          [–]shredalte 95 points96 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                          Skyrocketing numbers of lonely people, we're already seeing it.

                                                                                                                                          [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 164 points165 points  (12 children)

                                                                                                                                          It's also interesting that 75% of the market is controlled by Match Group, and the remaining 25% is controlled by Bumble

                                                                                                                                          [–]identitaetsberaubt 67 points68 points  (5 children)

                                                                                                                                          Online does not meen dating app. Many young people chat with local semi-strangers on instagram or snapchat, there are also tons of interest based online portals and I met mine on fucking reddit.

                                                                                                                                          load more comments (6 replies)

                                                                                                                                            [–]JefferD00m 78 points79 points  (56 children)

                                                                                                                                            I think we are already seeing that right now, online dating favors a small group of guys while the rest struggles. Large groups of lonely/struggling (young) males has historically been a big no no for political stability. As they are the easiest/most dangerous group to radicalize. Its not the only reason we are seeing all types of radicalism growing again but its definitely one of the big ones.

                                                                                                                                            [–]mrtomjones 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                            Yeah I've been saying it for 5 to 10 years that lonely young men becoming the shooters in our domestic terrorism problems around the world is happening for an obvious reason. People aren't socializing like they used to. Men are having more trouble meeting people because the online option really caterers to the top portion of men and the rest just get left feeling rejected over and over. It's very easy to get angry and latch on to bad things if you feel like no one gives a shit about you and you have no friends or anyone to love other than maybe a family and some people don't even have that

                                                                                                                                            I Honestly think it is a thing that governments should be addressing. Find ways to encourage young people to be hanging out with each other. No idea how you do it other than perhaps to build fun places that they will go out and spend time at. But I do think it's going to be a massive problem going forward

                                                                                                                                            load more comments (55 replies)

                                                                                                                                              load more comments (23 replies)

                                                                                                                                                [–][deleted] 128 points129 points  (38 children)

                                                                                                                                                So there was at least a significant (albeit small) percentage of couples meeting on internet chat rooms in 1985?

                                                                                                                                                [–]shiftdown 64 points65 points  (26 children)

                                                                                                                                                They weren't chat rooms. They were BBS's

                                                                                                                                                [–]sebastian1967 28 points29 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                                There were chat rooms in 1985.

                                                                                                                                                β€œPeople Connection” on QuantumLink, an online platform for Commodore 64 users. It was $10/month and .10 per minute after the first 60 minutes. I accessed it with my 300 baud modem, badly wishing I had a β€œfast” 1,200 baud modem.

                                                                                                                                                You could go into People Connection and then go into sub-groups for different interests and hobbies. It was all SO much more innocent and simple back then. QLink also had a shopping gallery, news links, and online games. Yes, this was in 1985…nearly a decade before most people would discover β€œthe Internet”.

                                                                                                                                                QuantumLink would later grow beyond its original C64 user base to become a company called β€œAmerica Online”. Which kept the β€œPeople Connection” chat platform. ;)

                                                                                                                                                Being a Gen X’er is awesome.

                                                                                                                                                load more comments (23 replies)

                                                                                                                                                  load more comments (11 replies)

                                                                                                                                                    [–]OctobersCold 24 points25 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                    Wow, that’s a looooot more online than I thought. It’d be cool to do breakdowns between dating apps, online social clubs, et cetera

                                                                                                                                                    [–]djblackprince 85 points86 points  (11 children)

                                                                                                                                                    Flirting at work? In this era of HR? I think not

                                                                                                                                                    [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                    yeah we're way downβ€”from 25% in the 1980s to just 6% today

                                                                                                                                                    [–]Claystead 24 points25 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                                    You should have seen how incredibly careful I was after meeting my current girlfriend there, it was months of the most careful flirting and only after I heard she was leaving the company at the end of the year did I actually dare ask her out. Worked out great though, been dating over a year now.

                                                                                                                                                    load more comments (6 replies)

                                                                                                                                                      [–]MrLeeman123 20 points21 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                                      I’m a PhD student working on a study around Community Economics and this graph is absolutely perfect at illustrating the decline of community within the US. Robert Putnam concludes that it’s the rise of television that has lead to the decline of community but I think this demonstrates that it’s technology as a whole. At the same time a greater portion of us β€œmeet” online our levels of loneliness and suicide have continued to grow. I don’t think any of us can deny that our current relationship and path with technology has proven unhealthy and I think it’s up to all of us to be questioning why exactly that is.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]Photosjhoot 91 points92 points  (25 children)

                                                                                                                                                      I’ve met all my SOs since 1995 online. Don’t really know what that means, really.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]Gryzz 18 points19 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Crazy how many people used to just end up with their neighbor.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]disappointed_darwin 92 points93 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                                                      This data is decidedly not beautiful.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]GreasyPeter 143 points144 points  (56 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Gen Z is the most sexless and loneliest generation since we've started keeping records. I think this chart and what I've just stated have a huge correlation.

                                                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Remember the stigma with online dates? Folks would go lengths to lie about that fact to friends and family.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]Dependent_Rooster177 53 points54 points  (25 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Is work really that low? Every place I e worked at has had several couples.

                                                                                                                                                      [–]Since1785 36 points37 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Corporate rules on dating in the workplace amongst colleagues have become increasingly stringent and more common. It definitely used to be a common meeting place but now it is highly disincentivized as an option.

                                                                                                                                                      load more comments (21 replies)

                                                                                                                                                        [–][deleted] 58 points59 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                                        HR be like β€œI like this chart. Especially the cerulean colored line.”

                                                                                                                                                        [–]FUMFVR 35 points36 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                                        Why make three lines different variations of gray?

                                                                                                                                                        [–]Miles_The_Man 108 points109 points  (20 children)

                                                                                                                                                        Just saying "Online" is a really wide net. That could mean anything from dating sites, gaming, forums, to social media.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]WorldlyWeb[S] 82 points83 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                                        This is true. The study authors started asking which apps people met on, after a certain point, but it was hard enough to work with the data I gave up trying to look at that. Their "online" category could include who met on Roblox, for all we know

                                                                                                                                                        load more comments (13 replies)

                                                                                                                                                          [–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                          People were meeting online in the 80’s sending each other emails like β€œcheck out my boobs (. )( .) lol - that means laughing out loud”

                                                                                                                                                          [–]ReggieCousins 23 points24 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                          This post is brought to you by special collab between /r/dataisbeautiful and /r/aboringdystopia

                                                                                                                                                          [–]ydnwyta 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                          This data isn't beautiful. It's sad.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]secretwep 32 points33 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                          Well, that's awfully bleak... Times definitely have changed.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]MasterReindeer 90 points91 points  (46 children)

                                                                                                                                                          I feel so sorry for all my single male friends - they are completely shafted by online dating. They're not unattractive, they're just average looking men with decent jobs. Women have so many options and it's so easy for them to move onto the next person if there's just one thing they don't like about whoever they're dating. They're all so lonely and it's one of those examples of technology actually making things worse for a large number of people.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]Frag0r 40 points41 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                                          Dating apps are making money by keeping as many people single as possible, in order to sell their premium features.

                                                                                                                                                          It's just sad because our lifes were improved by so many mobile apps that we started using dating apps as well and now it's kinda mandatory to use them.

                                                                                                                                                          But I feel you, I too know a lot of guys who have been single for a long time. They get more grumpy each year and increasingly lose interest to socialize.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]Jout_ 29 points30 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                                          I really don't see a solution here, things will probably get nasty soon. A generation of lonely young men is never, ever a good thing.

                                                                                                                                                          load more comments (35 replies)

                                                                                                                                                            [–]Fling2019 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                            See how online is beginning to flatten off then in 2012... BOOM! Tinder-powered rocket kicks in

                                                                                                                                                            [–]Long_Ad2824 40 points41 points  (23 children)

                                                                                                                                                            Wow. Now this makes me curious how people used to ghost.

                                                                                                                                                            [–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (5 children)

                                                                                                                                                            My grandma got ghosted by my uncle’s father, she was a Polish woman living in Germany in WWII, he was an American soldier who got her pregnant then went home without her or their child.

                                                                                                                                                            [–]Durmyyyy 22 points23 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                            way back in the day dudes would just leave and never come back and just start a new family 30 minutes away and no one knew

                                                                                                                                                            [–]JonahsWhaleTamer 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                            People were much better at socializing pre-internet/social media.

                                                                                                                                                            [–]NockerJoe 19 points20 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                            They didn't. The thing about meeting through school or work or even a set social circle is if you just dropped someone uncerimoniously a large portion of people you know would find out very quickly and drama would ensue. Which is why we have a generation of people ecplicitly told not to do those things.

                                                                                                                                                            Ghosting only happens because the default is now meeting with 0 social consequence if you do it and nobody you know probably ever knew your date.

                                                                                                                                                            load more comments (13 replies)

                                                                                                                                                              [–]go_go_go_go_go_go 82 points83 points  (43 children)

                                                                                                                                                              As an Asian dude, this is such a confidence inspiring trend to see. /s

                                                                                                                                                              [–]VoidTorcher 35 points36 points  (9 children)

                                                                                                                                                              Flashback to that study showing Asian male models being rated lower than average white men.

                                                                                                                                                              load more comments (27 replies)

                                                                                                                                                                [–]Atlas421 80 points81 points  (20 children)

                                                                                                                                                                Tinfoil hat theory: The modern day "don't bother her at work/school/bar/street/..." rhetoric is perpetuated by online dating services to sell more online dating.

                                                                                                                                                                [–]Ur_hindu_friend 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                                                It also creates an asshole niche, where only low-empathy psychos are willing to break through that wall.

                                                                                                                                                                load more comments (18 replies)

                                                                                                                                                                  [–]GreenEggsSteamedHams 42 points43 points  (16 children)

                                                                                                                                                                  We gays would have a similar chart but "met at the truck stop" would hover in the 80-90% range tbh

                                                                                                                                                                  load more comments (1524 replies)